Time to decide...

Taming the gadget monster

Parenting: A challenge

Your children need you more than you will ever be aware of. Inside that little monster who seems to ‘like’ troubling you and testing your patience after you’ve had a hard day at your workplace, is the angel who wants you to guide her, do things for her, teach her and help her because she cannot help herself enough.  Children need you to set things right for them all the time. Set their beds, their clothes, their schoolbags, homework, books as well as their limits and goals and their life…

Pearl 2

Pearl 1

Independence Day

Teens: Don’t be drama queens!

All the world’s a stage

“All the world’s a stage and all men and women must play their part”

Rightly said, Shakespeare’s words adjudicate human exaggeration of emotion and justify the dramatization and flamboyant expressiveness of sentiments. There are always those moments that render mankind vulnerable, helpless and susceptible to a dwindling balance of reaction; however repeated exaggeration of this sort solidifies this behavior, which then becomes part of the ‘dramatic’ individual’s persona.

A second chance...

Have faith...

Activate the guilt centre

Ways of the world

Everything we do is not always streaked with morality. The world survives and thrives on logic and analytical application of carefully deliberated information. The classic systems in place, education, information, communication, technology, industries, businesses, research and development; all apparently base themselves on the needs of society and the duty that each doer performs to oneself and the world. This is expectantly with the hope of making the world a better place for the survival of the self as well as generations to follow. Does that leave any room at all for morals and righteousness and would they play a role in anything at all in the world today?

Schizophrenia: What we don't know

A special day?
24th May was World Schizophrenia Day. While we dedicate one day of the calendar year to some or the other illness these days, it's still a distant dream to enhance awareness and appropriate education about different physical as well as psychological conditions; sufficient enough to enable each one of us to take the right steps towards identifying them and treating them appropriately. More so in psychological conditions like schizophrenia. Frequently misconstrued as witchcraft, outcome of sins, possession by spirits or just simply insanity that warrants punishment; schizophrenia is rarely well understood and appreciated as a medical illness that deserves medical care and nursing just like all physical other illnesses.

Power to women

How change occurs

Childhood is the phase of instillation of value systems. From a scientific as well as research perspective, behavioral change never occurs overnight. Revolution takes place over time. To get a good plant we need to sow the right seeds and offer them the appropriate nourishment throughout the growth phase. Weeds don’t become nutritious edibles overnight; thus solutions to social problems like crime against women can never be immediate.

Success Drivers

Need for success

Everyone doesn’t feel the itch to succeed. Some yearn for it relentlessly but fail to achieve it; others seem nonchalant about it and are always accomplishing tough goals with poise. Success has distinct definitions for different people. Nonetheless, the Olympic gold for the runner equates the daily target of the minimum wage earner when he earns his daily bread; success is sweet, success is rewarding and success is desirable. That definitely makes success worth the effort needed to achieve it…

Dance Therapy

Movement and the mind

Bodily movement is closely related to energy levels in the mind. Various pathologies in the brain reflect themselves through physical agility as well as immobility. Depression is well known to bring about anergia, diminished activity, over sleeping as well as ‘lazy and inert’ tendencies. Mania on the other hand is characterized by excessive activity, unrealistic bursts of energy, and ‘hyperactive tendencies’ with lessened need to rest. Movement is certainly more significant than the cognizance it receives in the world today. It arouses sub-conscious emotional, cognitive, social and behavioral changes. Dance and movement as a therapeutic modality have developed over the past few decades. Dance therapy is one of the most effective ‘expressive therapies’ today.

Dual Sex Therapy

Sexuality is an important component of existence, a basic human need and a non trivial factor in assuring holistic health and wellness. Passion drives all humans. Understanding human sexuality, it's mandates, requisites and preferences is essential to attain fulfilling sexual experiences. Sexuality isn't a taboo as once was deemed. It is a matter of deliberate choice and making the right choice for oneself is always prudent. A blend of the appropriate desire to please and the incessant will to satisfy; over and above the wish to experience pleasure oneself drives the sensual soul. Sex therapy is aimed at increasing personal and interpersonal awareness of self as well as the other's needs. Each participant is encouraged to focus on their own varied sensual experience rather than to see physical satisfaction as the sole goal of a sexual encounters. This enriches the self as well as the relationship.

Building Experiential Wisdom

Intellect and its essence

Intelligence does not conquer all. More often than not, the apparent high graders do not classify as emotionally intelligent. Intellectual arrogance is the seed of downfall while humility of the unwise can work miracles owing to the prospects it offers for learning. There isn’t much left to discover if one knows it all. Intelligence ought to be applied perceptively towards pertinent outcomes. Wisdom calls for the wit to apply prejudgments optimally. As Einstein rightly put it, common sense is a collection of prejudices acquired in the formative years of life. Therapy that inculcates common sense is the need of the hour!

Transactional Analysis Therapy

Transactions in life

According to Eric Berne, life is a series of interactions between all human beings. These interactions include some exchange of thought, emotion, ideas, energies, anything at all. But there is always an exchange in the interaction. These are better understood as transactions. Everything you do with someone is a transaction. And at the end of it we land ourselves in spots that are called ‘life positions’. These are:

• I am OK you are OK 
• I am OK you are not OK 
• I am not OK you are OK 
• I am not OK you are not OK 

These are in a specific order because this is the sequence of desirable ascent. We try our best to be happy and keep everyone else contented too. Sometimes we end up hurting others (partners, parents, employees, or friends); at other times we are miffed by them; and yet others we see discontent within ourselves and everyone around. That is the worst position to be in.

Behavior Modification

Origin of civilization and behavior
Edward Thorndike was the first person to describe behavior therapy in 1911. He was focused on methods that modify behavior. Clearly, there was a reason to wish that some particular behavior be altered; thus implying that behavior can become malfunctioned and subsequently requires timely repair like a mechanical or electrical devices. Behavior therapy is as old as civilization itself. Asking a third person for advice regarding how to deal with the ill impact of another’s actions on oneself is behavior therapy. There are wide ranges of techniques that can be used to change the behavior of oneself or another. Pure behavior therapy without mindfulness is seen in animals (it is well understood as training). Human behavior is usually connected with thoughts and feelings. These are incorporated in the therapy paradigm. 

Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy

The need to solve problems
Rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT) was initially introduced by the American psychotherapist Albert Ellis in the 1950’s. It is a structured and time limited comprehensive psychotherapy that focuses on resolving emotional and behavioral turbulence in the human mind. The outcome, like all forms of psychotherapy is an enriched and fulfilling existence. As the name suggests it focuses on the rational (reasoning), emotive (feelings and emotions), and behavioral (actions) components to gain a complete understanding of the nature of one’s problems and thereby take appropriate steps to solve them.

Play Therapy

Play and therapy

Play is usually identified as something recreational, fun and participative. Using play in learning is a challenging and innovative method to mitigate personal change. Play therapy is a form of counseling or psychotherapy that uses play to communicate with and help people, especially children, and it helps to prevent or resolve psycho-social challenges. Because children cannot express themselves the way we adults can, the use of play is thought to help them towards better social integration, growth and development. Play therapy is generally employed with children aged 3 through 11 and provides a way for them to express their experiences and feelings in a natural and non-threatening manner which does not intimidate them. As children’s experiences and knowledge are often communicated through play, it becomes an important vehicle that helps them to know and accept themselves as well as those around them.

Cognitive Therapy of Aaron Beck

Origin

Cognitive therapy (CT) is a type of psychotherapy that was developed by American psychiatrist Aaron T. Beck in the 1960’s. Cognitive therapy seeks to help the patient overcome emotional difficulties by identifying and changing dysfunctional thinking, negative emotional responses and the subsequent unfavorable behavior stemming from them. This process involves helping patients develop skills for modifying their beliefs, identifying distorted thinking and relating to people in newer and different ways, owing to the change in behavior patterns.

Autism: More than self-obsession

Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)

As a child progresses from a newborn to infancy to toddlerhood, we see several developmental changes in all dimensions. The physical bodily growth, advancement of language, communicating with words and actions, as well as the rest of the world around; is all part of the developmental spectrum. Sometimes some children lag behind in one or more of the aspect of this spectrum. Such a lag in either one or all of speech, relatedness, communication and expression leads to a problem called pervasive developmental disorder (PDD). Autism is one such type of PDD.

Do kids really get depressed?

Childhood

Childhood is a carefree, happy and blissful time. Infanthood as if was crafted only to be enjoyed by children (as well as their parents). But it’s not uncommon for our little ones to feel the pressures and strains of today’s life. They too can feel deep sadness and dejection inside their innocent hearts and innocuous minds. Children truly know how to feel pain. They sense deeper loneliness and neglect more than we are capable of even imagining. Our kids ‘know’ depression. And they can experience it…

Anxious about kids being anxious?

Kids and anxiety

Yes our children do get anxious. They have their own set of worries, apprehensions and fears in life. Adults feel that they have the worldly burden on their shoulders while childhood is carefree and joyous. It’s not always so. Childhood ‘ought’ to be happy-go-lucky and relaxed. And that is what we have to strive for in our kids. Anxiety has been better researched unlike other childhood problems such as autism, and ADHD. Children worry about the smallest issues and take great levels of stress. Possibly the demands that parents place on their kids overwhelms them. At other times children sense the stress in the household. They know when there is friction between parents or in laws or grandparents. They are more receptive and emotive than we ever realize. They have self-standards too besides the ones you set for them. All these can get quite overpowering and your little child cannot cope with it.

The umbrella of learning disability

What is LD?

LD is an acronym for Learning Disorder or Learning Disability. Essentially the LDs comprise a series of deficits that interfere with the child’s ‘learning’. Hence we use the term ‘disorder’. Children with LD learn things in a manner that's different from the conventional pattern. There may be a deficit in reading, writing, or mathematics. The processing of information in the brain is different and the techniques used to understand information are somehow unusual. The learning process thus becomes very tedious in the brains of such individuals. This faulty pattern has to be corrected in order for the appropriate learning experience to build.

Not so blessed with intellect

Why my child?

All children are divine gifts from God. How the little embryo transforms in to the fetus and is delivered from your being into this universe is a miraculous process. And as much as science has progressed to help us understand the process, we still don't know things that go on at the back end before we get the final product in our hands. Some of our children seem to develop and progress as per the accepted norms and stages that they must accomplish at times in their development. However, for some reason, some children lag behind in the same. Some in fact may be faster than their normal counterparts while others are slower. And at times the slower ones do not have the ability to catch up. It’s not their fault. It’s simply the way it was destined for them. These kids who lack the ability to develop in their mind and their abilities as they are supposed to in keeping with other kids of their age, have intellectual deficits.

Good old temper tantrums

Which kid doesn't throw tantrums?

That's a fact: all kids have tantrums. Why kids: all adults throw tantrums once in a while and this is considered normal. We all have seen kids getting upset and crying and probably we ourselves would prefer to screech every once in a while when life is treating us iniquitously. We cannot indeed have a world without tantrums and frenzies. We need to understand these tantrums better so we can take care of tantrummy children effectively…

ADHD: Pay attention to it

All kids are hyper

We all have seen kids getting overexcited and probably we ourselves have been inattentive when we were kids (maybe even now). Today in fact that 5 out of 10 kids may be hyperactive. However, similarity in pattern and commonality of occurrence is not a defense for abnormality. We need to comprehend ADHD better so we can take care of our children. ADHD comprises inattentiveness, over-activity, impulsivity, or a combination. Of course these need to be excess of normal to actually consider it to be a problem or disorder.

Sleep: What you didn't know

Passivity and sleep

Sleep is frequently considered to be a passive phenomenon, something we do because it's the end of the day, we are perhaps tired and we need to rest and build up our energies once again to prepare for the next day. It’s falsely presumed that as the light is switched off at night, so also is the mind and all its functioning ability. Rightfully so, all of the above are true to a certain extent, and sleep replenishes zest and enthusiasm to live yet another day and accomplish ones daily goals. However, there is more to sleeping and the dynamics of sleep ought to be better understood by every person who has ever slept and continues to do so everyday. That makes each and everyone of us. Ignorance is bliss but knowledge is truly an eye opener. Open your eyes to sleep right…

Depression: What you didn't know

Ordinary sadness

The normalcy of unhappiness is less acknowledged by our society that strives for perfection (which itself is a myth of perception). Dissatisfaction, sadness, frustration and discontentment are all customary reactions to anomalous events. What one chooses to do with them takes them on the path to personal growth and transformation versus depression and melancholy.  Nonetheless cognizance of the direction one is about to take is imperative to offer an understanding of ones own psychological processes. There are things we know; and then there are the masked and unknown subtleties that escape our eye. Identification of trouble is the first most important step for solving it. Clarify the myths to bask in the warmth of reality...

Learn to listen

The knack

Listening is one of the most used but least taught skills. Practice does make man perfect; rehearsal and training are a mandate for any talent acquisition. Contrary to popular belief, listening is an active phenomenon while hearing can be passive, inert and uninvolved. Hearing is involuntary, reflex and a function of the ear and the auditory area of the brain. Listening on the other hand requires conscious effort and cognitive processes to relocate the listened material into the short-term memory store and subsequently into the long-term memory stockpile. Learning to listen amounts to be a gainful, wise and deliberate aptitude accrual.

Criticism: Offer it constructively (2)

Criticism needn’t essentially imply ‘fault finding’. Albeit infamously labeled as uncompassionate expression of disapproval and dissent, it is an expression of discontentment and can be presented sensitively, yet effectively. Arguments and fights can be evaded if criticism is is offered with constructive and non-derogatory intentions. Critics have often been referred to as holders of the faculty of knowledge. Those with academic superiority, and socio-emotional actualization know the content and process of criticism to assure its acceptance. If governed by politeness and decency, criticism can transform the world for the better when ground rules of its exposition are obeyed:

Concise

Criticism: Offer it constructively (1)

Perspectives

The 14th century identified criticism purely in the literary perspective; offering appraisal of art and literature. The 20th century saw it approaching pros and cons and identified it as scientific activity. Currently the 21st century is evidence to criticism being a loosely adopted method to have objection, express dissent and reject something outright with minimal compassion. Used meaningfully, criticism is an effective stimulus to generate personal growth and mitigate improvement in performance. Nonetheless a tool is not effective unless used suitably.  The content, intent and recipient ought to be fitting to make the impact. Criticism is effective if it matches these ground rules:

there are bitter truths that need to be spoken
they can however be spoken sweetly
rudeness is not mandatory
kindness is

Concise

Respectful

Insightful

Truthful

Introspective

Clear

Important

Sincere

Meaningful

Criticism: Take it constructively

Criticism involves judgments on merits as well as faults. It may or may not be welcome, but taken in the right vein it can be a tool to motivate self improvement and growth. Criticism is of great value when it comes from reliable sources and is well presented. Nonetheless viewpoints and prejudices of narrow-minded and self-prophesizing individuals may amount to destructive criticism and can impact others negatively. How the world presents things to us isn’t in our control but what we choose to do with it truly is.

Truth about risks

Warranties

Life offers limited guarantees; the only surety is that of its end. It is the lone truth that ought to drive each one to make wiser choices and rational decisions. At the same time life itself exemplifies change, growth and revolution. Effort and endurance are options, favorable outcomes from them aren’t. All human endeavors involve risks, some more than others. The potential that an action will lead to loss, failure and damage exemplifies the urgency of making the right choice at the accurate moment in the suitable situation. Risks will always exist and the fear of diving in may be deemed sensible, however rational and sound judgment with analysis of the aftermath usually works towards near warranties.

The guilty conscience

Morality

A guilty conscience denotes existence of a moral standard within oneself; a super ego that has the ability to identify a compromise in morality, subsequently directing an individual towards pro social acts. Guilt is an emotion and brings out responsibility towards the violation, typically warranting merit for the correction. Guilt can also have negative eventualities with self-blame leading to withdrawal, self-resentment, delusions and frequently suicide. Consciousness as well as unawareness of guilt can have ruinous outcomes. It is imperative to understand and deal with guilt to reach a truce in the battle between the id and ego as well as ego and super-ego.

Don't be a fool......

Wisdom
No one is born astute. Wisdom isn’t effectively a subject taught in school, cataloged as a specialty in a college or a mandate category in a job interview. Yet the world desires, respects and salutes wisdom. The complexity of intelligence and ways to build it has been the focus of research and study worldwide. At a rudimentary level, foolishness is simply an inability to make careful choices. Lack of intelligence is in fact described as stupidity. One may be intelligent and yet act foolish at times owing to momentary deficits in reasoning (this is rather common.) The wise man is not one who knows it all; rather he is one who accepts that he doesn't!

Ego and its depletion

Testing the ego

The human mind has enormous capacity to cogitate, ruminate as well as meditate. What we choose to do with our abilities is a personal decision. Research is increasingly corroborating the internal drive to perform actions, with enhanced prowess and energy to execute them. In other words, studying under pressure is a less probable predictor of success when compared to an inherent resolve to excel by putting in effort at free will. The mind can monetize on its energies by using free will; unlike forced conformity that depletes the mind of its essential faculties. Putting the mind to test by overworking it may not always have the best outcomes.

Self Control (3)

Brain wiring

Resistance to impulse fulfillment can be attributed to specific areas of the human brain with alteration in neurochemical levels that promote (or when appropriate, protect from) rash decision-making. Broadly, the processing of thought and its systematization into rational evaluations is a knack known to few. Most act on gratifying impulses, failing to exercise any restraint on their needs and urges. It’s fun at times to make sudden plans and act on instinct in emotional situations if the outcomes are favorable. However normalcy is defined by the ability to be either impulsive or controlled depending on which is the most adaptive. Wise choices begin with an awareness of their existence.

Changing cues

Outcome focus

Nullification

Token economy

Remembrance

Overcooking

Loss identification

Self control (2)

Out of control?

It is each one’s own brain in that skull in their own head. None but us are obligated to take charge of it. Man may conduct experiments in animals but the motive is to predict responses in himself. Change (for the better) is a challenge. We can’t change how the world thinks and behaves; but we most definitely are monarchs of our own intellect. One only has to make the wiser choice for a sager outcome.

Changing cues

Outcome focus

Nullification

Token economy

Remembrance

Overcooking

Loss identification

Self control (1)

Human intellect

The human brain is the most extensively reviewed apparatus, yet it can be alleged that there is more unknown about it’s functioning than is recognized, more questions than answers and more postulations than inferences. While self-control loosely entails restriction of emotion and behavior that principally evades some short-term reward to ensure a long-term gain; there is more to the brain mechanics in understanding reward and punishment. There are conflicting contingencies in monitoring impulses. Understanding these is mandatory to master the art, science as well as practice of self-control.

Self-compassion or Self-pity? (2)

Right from wrong

In more cases than less, those who do the incorrect thing know that it is erroneous. Awareness is not a predictor of righteousness. Insight has different levels of cognizance and these foretell the quantum of behavior change in response to that level. The most common (and possibly worst) of all is knowledge without corresponding action.

• Exercise is good for health (how many do it?)
• Sadness isn't a defense (who realizes that?)
• Giving up isn’t an option (who acts on it?)
• Anger is destructive (who keeps it in mind?)
• Patience cures half the troubles (Oh really?)
• Kindness is better than wrath (do we do it?)

Few follow what they deem right for themselves. Anger, rage, blame, guilt, negativism and self-pity are internalized emotions that sprout from unresolved external conflicts. They rot the interior without us appreciating the damage they are capable of…

Self-compassion or Self-pity? (1)

Emotions

Emotions are by far downright subjective constructs. Pain, pleasure, anger, sorrow, jealousy, nervousness, disdain; every emotion is felt after a personal appraisal of a given situation. For each one of us, there is only one ‘self’. The rest comprise the remainder of this magnanimous globe. Small as we truly seem in comparison to the gamut that surrounds us, we are the biggest and most important to ourselves. We are our own world, we control our own lives, and we ought to care for our selves, nurture ourselves, love ourselves and heal ourselves when we hurt. Self-compassion is the softest and tenderest of all emotions each one needs to inculcate.

My imagination

Ingenuity

A world of ideas, beliefs and occurrences that haven’t been perceived in any form in reality, unseen, unheard and unfelt; is a typical description of a fantasy existence. The art of imagining entails a cycle of image creation, unique to each one of us. A process that has the power to create freedom in exile and calm in a storm; imagination sows the seeds of invention, innovation and origination. As Einstein rightly identified, imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited in its scope while imagination encircles the world and parts beyond it. At the same time he also emphasized that imagination was impossible without knowledge…

Proving a point

Extraordinary

An apparently small ‘extra’ bit transforms the conventional into the extraordinary. That bit is indeed not trivial but isn’t impossible either. Of ability, knack, skill, aptitude, potential, few are innate endowments while most individuals have to fight their way through life to make their mark. A tiny leap of a difference can categorize people as special. Knowing the extent of ones own capability can be an inspiration to attain heights that once were unimagined. Who then defines the maximal limit of each ones talent? Some counts are factual: people don't usually live beyond 100 to 110 years; man cannot fly like a bird, or reproduce by himself for instance. What is unattainable seems super human. When accomplished it becomes a human capacity. If only there was a method of identifying and building on expertise to grow beyond what one deems himself capable of at this current moment. Does one need figures to score a point before the game is over? Who keeps the count?

I need to be perfect

Perfectionism

Meticulousness is no sin; it is a rather coveted trait. The definition and boundaries of perfectionism however are often bleak; what appears enough to one seems way too inadequate to another. Verdicts given by the world indeed count; but what matters most is what we think of ourselves and where we place our self-regard centered on our personal appraisals of us. The ladder of individual growth typically directs upwards, life is about evolution and success concerns bettering ourselves with each passing day. Nonetheless, accepting the self with potencies and inadequacies is the selection of the wise...

Be your own inspiration

be the light that you want to shine on the
world. your world can never be dark then

Skill

Talent and aptitude are pre-requisites for origination, which is remarkably vital in today’s world. While these seem to be abstract concepts, they do command specific instruction and inculcation techniques. On the other hand, creative nuances seem to thrive and necessitate inspirational motivation. Inspiration is indeed set prior to consciousness. Practice and implementation of a skill may occur independent of it, and inspiration without talent may also be insufficient to warrant novel creations. Inspiration continues to be intriguing, an enigmatic and abstract concept; nonetheless it can qualify as a mandate for triumph.

My weakness my defense?

tangle or disentangle: make the choice

The human mind
The human brain is a complicated contraption with its one billion neurons and more than a few dozen neurochemicals that interplay to stimulate robust and convincing thoughts. Some of these are constructive while others work invariably for the worse of the person thinking them. When this mighty brain within the skull of every human foregoes its ability of filtering thinking, there is transient suspension of rationality. This may well be innocuous, however prolonged dwelling in negative and faulty mindsets transforms the thought process irreversibly, engendering irrational thoughts that are universally acknowledged to lead to unfavorable emotions and negative behaviors…

I can do it...

Energy

A ball of hot plasma interwoven with magnetic fields, initiating thermonuclear fusion at its core every moment, the sun, by far is the biggest source of energy for humanity. The vivacity of the universe: algae, plants, animals, insects, reptiles and human beings; is contingent upon energy offered by sunlight. There is too much dynamism in this world, energy as we know cannot be created or destroyed; it only transmutes from one form to the other. Just as petrol and other fuels offer solar energy that was converted by photosynthesis in the very distant past; so also there are untapped and unidentified forms of energy within the neurons of every mind; waiting to be expended, utilized and suitably exploited. Positively for oneself, if feasible for the betterment of the sphere too…

Eyesight to ‘I-sight’

look...deeper

Vision

Vision is more than the meager ability to see. For those who are blessed with sightedness, intact eyes and undamaged brain receptors cells; it is an automatic, unconscious and effortless phenomenon.  However foresight is the knack at internalizing revelations that are beyond the realm of pure involuntary visibility. To foresee the impact that words craft, to envision impressions of emotions and anticipate the power of mindfulness.

Love thyself the most

loving yourself is an art that's very worthy of mastery

The defense called projection

People seem naïve but they indeed are well aware of their defects. Human beings see their own shortcomings in those around them. They pick on ill habits of others in spite of dwelling likewise in their own. Awareness is not even the need of the hour; it already exists. Acceptance and a will to change are the necessities. Projection involves throwing ones flaws on the world outside and seeing it as ‘bad’. The reverse, introjection; entails internalizing the goodness around and living to ones fullest, knowing that life is beautiful and we ourselves are worthy of love.