Transactional Analysis Therapy

Transactions in life

According to Eric Berne, life is a series of interactions between all human beings. These interactions include some exchange of thought, emotion, ideas, energies, anything at all. But there is always an exchange in the interaction. These are better understood as transactions. Everything you do with someone is a transaction. And at the end of it we land ourselves in spots that are called ‘life positions’. These are:

• I am OK you are OK 
• I am OK you are not OK 
• I am not OK you are OK 
• I am not OK you are not OK 

These are in a specific order because this is the sequence of desirable ascent. We try our best to be happy and keep everyone else contented too. Sometimes we end up hurting others (partners, parents, employees, or friends); at other times we are miffed by them; and yet others we see discontent within ourselves and everyone around. That is the worst position to be in.
Ego states

Transactions occur between different ego states. There is a child in each one of us: dependent and carefree, at the same time stubborn and non-agreeing. The parent can be one who is ever commanding and intimidating as well as at other times over protecting and nurturing. Eventually we have an adult in us who is realistic and makes rational choices after careful debate. The adult is comfortable and is ‘ideal’. When two people communicate, they can do best when they are in the same ego state. They stroke each other from one or the other ego states; the net result is truly what is called a transaction.

What happens really in relationships

People are always interacting with one another. They use positive srtokes (loving, understanding and sympathetic ones) whereas occasionally these are negative (nagging, sarcasm, depreciating variety). The ego state and the stroke determine the outcome in the transaction. Frequently enough, people fail to realize their conflicting ego states and faulty strokes that impact the outcome in a disparaging manner. That is the process in which people are ticked off, let down and pained. 

• You have to listen to me; I say so (commanding parent) 
• You may be right but I wasn't wrong (controlling parent) 
• I will not keep dancing to your whims (disobedient child) 
• I will obey you, albeit I don't want to (conforming child) 
• You can’t leave me (passive aggressive but hateful child) 

Insight into relationship dynamics can throw light on where and why things go wrong. When commanding parents are talking to aggressive children, there is bound to be friction. At home, at the workplace, with friends or neighbors, parent to child interactions seldom have positive outcomes. Adult to adult states (which are ideal) are required to attain ideal relationship outcomes.
Analysis of transactions

Analyzing transactions is a step towards attaining desirable positions. The ideal position to seek is ‘I am OK you are OK’. It’s not that difficult to be OK in today’s world. We become who we think we are. We get arrogant and we know it. We can do better; we know that too. Analyzing transactions is a step towards changing the faulty patterns. If the frequent position is anything but the ‘ideal’, there is definitive need to appraise and reappraise the communication patterns to better the relationship. It is important to get to that point where we make up our minds to keep people OK and not rub them the wrong way to deliberately hurt them. At the same time we need to not be hurt ourselves.
Getting mindful of games

Mindfulness implies awareness of the senses, knowing the different ego states and identfying the appropriate frames of interaction. The combination of the states and their transactions are understood as games (according to Berne’s book Games People Play). These games generate conflict and impair relationships. Through the transactional analysis sessions, the tehrapist imparts an understanding of the ego states, transactions, strokes and the net outcome: games. The timed and structured sessions offer insight into the games that people play with each other and how they need to mend the transactions to obtain favorable outcomes for themselves and those around them