All children are divine gifts from God. How the little
embryo transforms in to the fetus and is delivered from your being into this
universe is a miraculous process. And as much as science has progressed to help
us understand the process, we still don't know things that go on at the back
end before we get the final product in our hands. Some of our children seem to
develop and progress as per the accepted norms and stages that they must
accomplish at times in their development. However, for some reason, some
children lag behind in the same. Some in fact may be faster than their normal
counterparts while others are slower. And at times the slower ones do not have
the ability to catch up. It’s not their fault. It’s simply the way it was
destined for them. These kids who lack the ability to develop in their mind and
their abilities as they are supposed to in keeping with other kids of their
age, have intellectual deficits.
Intelligence is the ability to think, reason, rationalize
and make suitable decisions for oneself. Intelligence builds and develops as we
use our innate potential from neural connections in our brains (which was
established before birth) coupled with the richness of experience and
stimulation from the environment around us. When this reasoning ability fails
to develop due to any cause, it is called mental retardation. Simply not
getting good academic grades is not retardation. There are a lot of people in
the world who have achieved great heights and made successful lives for
themselves in spite of not being great in school. When the mind cannot reason or
use logic, and there is deficit in the ability to adapt to the environment, it
is known as mental retardation (MR). People with MR always stay those few (or
many) steps behind and cannot catch up.
Why did my child get this?
We don’t have definite reasons or answers for that because
causes of intellectual retardation although several proposed, cannot make us
pinpoint exactly why this happened. Any trauma to the brain before the child
was born (like some drugs taken by the mother, certain toxic chemical exposure:
alcohol and nicotine too, various viral illnesses in the mother during
pregnancy etc.) can affect the child’s brain chemicals and connections in a
negative manner. These get disrupted and the brain development ceases. The
brain is one organ in the human body that cannot reproduce and repair itself
when damaged. Once impaired, we cannot change this pattern. Sometimes illnesses
like epilepsy or brain infections (meningitis or encephalitis) that the child
got after birth or in childhood can also impede the brains normal development
leading to mental retardation. It doesn't happen to a 100% extent in 100% of
the children but chances of this happening are definitely raised.
How severe is it?
Retardation involves diminished ability to live to the optimum
independently qualifying it as quite a severe condition. Yet, we have grades of MR that
classify this problem into different spans of severity. A mild deficit in
intellectual and adaptive functioning qualifies as borderline or mild MR. These
children (and adults) seem a little slow and dull compared to others but they
can survive through life even though they don't really flourish.
Parent attitude
- Continue to love your child unconditionally
- Accept the shortcomings and get comfortable
- Do not over pressure or overburden the child
- At the same time don't treat him too different
- Allow usual companionship with other kids
- Give the usual stimulation: activities, games
- Your child can enroll in a special school
- You can contact parents and form a group
- You can offer life skills training yourself
- Engage them in physical exercise/swimming
- Take very good care of their general health
- Don't overfeed/advocate putting on weight
- Use soft and relaxing music to calm them
- Have regular medical checkups for them
- Look out for aggression and anger in them
Mental retardation or intellectual disability is not an
illness that we can treat or cure. It is a slowed development of the brain due
to some or the other cause. The progress is limited but it can be remarkable if
you choose to put in the desired effort. Children can learn basic skills; can
take care of themselves if you patiently teach them the appropriate techniques
for doing so. They can assist you in tasks at home; they can learn skills like
craft, art, painting, and music if they develop interest in the same. Treatment
in these conditions is a partnership between doctor, counselor, parents, and
the child.
Life-skills
A parent is the best influencer of a child’s behavior. Your
children need your support and must learn appropriate behaviors. Teach them to
take care of themselves. Observe the skills you need from the time you wake up
until you go back to sleep, they need to build the same skills for themselves:
waking up, clearing and setting the bed, brushing teeth, having a good bath,
dressing themselves, eating food without spilling, maintaining cleanliness and
neatness at home, taking self responsibility, maintaining safety (not touching
electric wires or hot flames); all such tasks that allow you to independently
live in a somewhat protected environment are known as life skills. Outside this
environment, children would need some assistance. Crossing the road, getting
into railway trains etc. are tasks that you can teach them gradually once they
have mastered living in your well-protected environment by themselves.
Reality check
You have to have realistic expectations. The degree of
intellectual disability somewhat predicts the level of improvement. Mild
retardation, with adequate support and training can go unnoticed too. Moderate
to severe deficit, persists. You will not see dramatic results but you must try
your best for your children. They surely deserve it…
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