All the world’s a stage
“All the world’s a stage and all men and
women must play their part”
Rightly said, Shakespeare’s words
adjudicate human exaggeration of emotion and justify the dramatization and
flamboyant expressiveness of sentiments. There are always those moments that
render mankind vulnerable, helpless and susceptible to a dwindling balance of
reaction; however repeated exaggeration of this sort solidifies this behavior,
which then becomes part of the ‘dramatic’ individual’s persona.
Life is pretty complex by definition. A
train is best and safe while on its predetermined track, any deviation
certainly amounts to crisis and most are unprepared to deal with this change. A
tiny fight with parents/friends, disapproval of that favorite dress/bike,
scoring badly in an exam, putting on (a little) weight, a breakup in a
relationship; life fetches it’s contorted twists when least expected. Receiving
crises with an exaggerated emotional response seems instantaneous, instinctive
natural; it is still not prudent.
Reaction vs. Overreaction
Everyone seems to have a flair for
dramatics. Drama is appreciated on television, frequently we imitate it too,
but in reality it is not worthy of reassurance.
- “I’ve put on 3 kilos, I look colossal and ugly, if a go to school or college like this everyone is going to make fun of me!”
- “How could you forget my birthday? Friends don't ever forget birthdays. You are definitely not my friend!”
- “How could I have gotten such low marks in the exam? That professor is no good and has some personal issues with me!”
- “Mom, you have no fashion sense, you want me to walk around in rags? You have silly outdated dress suggestions!”
Don’t react; act
Emotional overplays are easier to let off
steam than indulgence in real action to alter the scenario. Most sentimental
reactions are devoid of deliberate cognizance. Reaction without thinking is the
norm. The sense of self-preservation (also understood as the ego) plays a lead
role in heightened reactivity. When things don't go our way, we feel intense
pain and hurt, and impulsively lash out without careful appraisal of what just
happened. Tunnel vision allows single-track perception of personal mistreatment
without any empathy for other people involved. One feels a sense of personal
failure and crying out aloud seems easier than swallowing the traumatic
revelation.
Cry for attention
Anger and drama are inseparable best
buddies, but they are not the best dyad when it comes to emotional
intelligence. Anger has its own ways of expression; and overreacting
dramatically is the commonly adopted one (albeit it is not permissible or well
appreciated). The one who makes the noise gets famed as one who has a voice.
Showy cries in the crowd receive more attention than hushed sobs in the dark.
When regressive needs are not met, tantrums are thrown and usually fed into (at
least in the earlier part). Insecurity is a harbinger of attention seeking
behavior. Attention: negative or positive is nonetheless covetous and this is
the strongest weapon for the self-doubting souls. The more they sob and starve
to grab attention, the hollower their core becomes. The only way they get
attention is by crying, thus drama becomes a habit.
Take charge of emotions
Crises are omnipresent. Crisis ought to
enable each one of us to gather our defenses, allow us to introspect to make us
stronger and wiser to fight back with grace and poise. In the entire vocabulary
of human interaction there is a gamut of emotions that define us as human
beings, outline our existence and determine who we really are. Emotion
management is the only step towards personal growth. Drama doesn't even qualify
as a coping strategy. It’s a weapon of the angry, envious and the insecure, not
the actualized, emotionally intelligent and the wise.
Take responsibility for action
Making a mistake is pardonable, not
accepting it to learn from it isn’t. Insecure wrong doers are guilty and seek
to assure acquittal. Not many admit to taking responsibility for their erring.
When they lie, cheat, hide or make mistakes there is always a fear of
penalties. Dramatic outburst rid them of these consequences. Teens (and adults
too) end up doing a lot of things they’re not later proud of. Cheating,
skipping classes, lying, two-timing, gossiping, back stabbing, smoking
secretively etc, are a crimes often committed It is a period of evolution and
only the fittest survive. (Darwin proved it). Pressure to be accepted forces
one into unhealthy, unethical and unwholesome behavior Learning to take accountability
is the key to self-development.
Things don’t always go our way
Life is mystical, magical and unpredictable.
If everything were anticipated life would become monotonous. We dream, desire,
imagine and hope that things will work out for us as we planned. Nonetheless things
don’t go according to the way we planed them. Getting upset is not helpful. Appraising
the situation negatively makes one feel victimized and subsequently dramatic.
Coping with faking a histrionic act; or accepting the problem and moving on to
higher goals.
Equanimity
Life is a tasteful blend of happy and calamitous
moments. Too much of a good thing can be bad too. Striking the balance is the
key. Gaining prowess over negative emotions gives one the ability to act, not
react; and definitely not overact. Every breathing moment is worthy of learning
the right and unlearning the erroneous. While the world continues to be a stage,
we must play the part set out for us with integrity and poise, not with drama
and noise…
Dr.Shefali Batra (MD)
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