Self-compassion or Self-pity? (2)

Right from wrong

In more cases than less, those who do the incorrect thing know that it is erroneous. Awareness is not a predictor of righteousness. Insight has different levels of cognizance and these foretell the quantum of behavior change in response to that level. The most common (and possibly worst) of all is knowledge without corresponding action.

• Exercise is good for health (how many do it?)
• Sadness isn't a defense (who realizes that?)
• Giving up isn’t an option (who acts on it?)
• Anger is destructive (who keeps it in mind?)
• Patience cures half the troubles (Oh really?)
• Kindness is better than wrath (do we do it?)

Few follow what they deem right for themselves. Anger, rage, blame, guilt, negativism and self-pity are internalized emotions that sprout from unresolved external conflicts. They rot the interior without us appreciating the damage they are capable of…

Why behavior doesn't change

In spite of applying different reinforcers, offering attractive rewards, threatening with punishment and confiscating pleasures; behavior somehow doesn't budge. Children continue to misbehave, partners argue with each other, employees complain and maybe lose their jobs and delinquents incessantly break laws without fearing negative consequences. Life is not all science and math. Logic frequently fails and the world seems to be left in a sticky situation with regard to righteousness. Behavior is observable. Any behavior (by anybody) impacts the world around each one of them in some way or the other. No one thrives in a vacuum. The real world has genuine troubles, actual situations and factual problems; thus we need realistic solutions…

The RIGHT defenses

Often those who do wrong, know that it’s inappropriate. In fact people continually know what’s erroneous and still do it. Children recognize this too. Kids know that lying, stealing; hurting someone, screaming when they’re upset and throwing a tantrum is not good. Likewise adults know that worrying, getting angry, hiding emotions, shying from reality, losing hope… are all wrong defenses they use in conflicting situations when they cannot handle it.. The justification to any assault is self-protection; when one is attacked, he will use any defense at hand. But the means used can be hurtful to the self. It’s time to use the correct tools that help us to solve problems and safeguard relationships and self-respect. It is time to use the RIGHT defenses.

The WRONG defenses

It happens often that life’s troubles seem to be getting out of hand. And that commonly adopted façade of ‘I am fine’ doesn't hold up. Human beings have marvelous tolerance and their limits can be pretty cavernous. And yet, one fine day it seems like nothing can get better and the end is near. There seem to be deadbolts everywhere with no keys to unlock the path to freedom. Work, home, children, health, accounts, maids, taxes; there is an endless sea filled with ravenous sharks getting to you and you are still fighting, you haven’t let go and you’re still not happy with the way it’s going. If only someone could come in and set things right for you. Solve all the problems and offer you your well-deserved peace…

What’s your problem?

Seriously, what is your problem? This question is not tinted with sarcasm or contempt. Not probing here to mock or ridicule you. Not questioning to demean or belittle you. But to sincerely know, do you really think you have a problem? Problem is such a small 7-letter word but in reality its bulk topples our lives when we face one. And then most of us face so many at a given point in time! We talk of big problems, small problems; little problems, mild problems, serious problems, minor problems, major problems, petty problems, old problems, new problems; you and I keep saying this all the time. We always seem to be having some or the other problem some or all of the time!

Have you been up there?

Just high enough to get that perfect view from the window seat when you fly on that aircraft? When the buildings were taller than you, and then they gradually seem smaller, and the within fractions of minutes they look tiny; almost unreal, like those models you’ve seen made by architects? They actually seem to be made of styrofoam and cardboard, trees made of colored sponge stuck on sticks. The whole town looks like a miniature project we often made in our schools when we were young. And then suddenly as we cruise to greater heights, it all becomes a haze. And you don't see it anymore…

the world seems so different from above... doesn't it?