Self-compassion or Self-pity? (1)

Emotions

Emotions are by far downright subjective constructs. Pain, pleasure, anger, sorrow, jealousy, nervousness, disdain; every emotion is felt after a personal appraisal of a given situation. For each one of us, there is only one ‘self’. The rest comprise the remainder of this magnanimous globe. Small as we truly seem in comparison to the gamut that surrounds us, we are the biggest and most important to ourselves. We are our own world, we control our own lives, and we ought to care for our selves, nurture ourselves, love ourselves and heal ourselves when we hurt. Self-compassion is the softest and tenderest of all emotions each one needs to inculcate.

SELFLESS-ness (2)

Charity begins at home
While charity begins at home, it’s nice to extend it in the neighborhood too. Offering to others comes with internalization of humane abilities. Each one was indeed born with them; however self-preservation is an entrenched trait too. Fulfillment of needs of the self is paramount. The limits of satisfaction however vary and allow for discontentment more often that satiation. The grey zone separating needs from wants makes gratification challenging. Nonetheless, self-acceptance and personal growth do pave way for gallant behavior, where offering to the world becomes more critical than hoarding it for oneself. The traits of the selfless may be described as:

care for emotions

Softhearted

Empathic

Lucid

Forthcoming

Loving

Effervescent

Sympathetic

Sensitive

Chronic pain and its impact

Pain is everywhere

Majority of clinic visits in to a general physician are for longstanding headache, backaches, joint pains, chest discomfort; pain anywhere in the body. Pain is a neurological symptom, that has a medical cause and it demands specific medical treatment. Many varieties of arthritis, degenerative illnesses, migraine and muscle spasms; all are associated with longstanding pain. However, any pain that lasts for more than 3 months certainly has some psychological contributions to it. Such pain is medically well understood as chronic pain.

Anorexia and Eating Disorders

Women and size 

Thousands of women and an astonishing number of men too, look at the mirror everyday, and dislike what they see. Thinness has become a trend and women consider size zero as the cut off for being anything close to average. Media hype has contributed significantly to propagating thinness. Some professions like modeling or acting demand it; but when the obsession begins to take drastic proportions, it may become life threatening and corrective measures are essential for survival. These then point to eating disorders that are not a ‘fad’ anymore.

The RIGHT defenses

Often those who do wrong, know that it’s inappropriate. In fact people continually know what’s erroneous and still do it. Children recognize this too. Kids know that lying, stealing; hurting someone, screaming when they’re upset and throwing a tantrum is not good. Likewise adults know that worrying, getting angry, hiding emotions, shying from reality, losing hope… are all wrong defenses they use in conflicting situations when they cannot handle it.. The justification to any assault is self-protection; when one is attacked, he will use any defense at hand. But the means used can be hurtful to the self. It’s time to use the correct tools that help us to solve problems and safeguard relationships and self-respect. It is time to use the RIGHT defenses.

How expressive is your child?

An expressive child and a responsive parent is a prize-winning combination for toddlerhood. It’s a win-win situation and it enables the parent to shape behavior positively right at the outset. This sequence becomes quite easy to understand as below:

• The newborn expresses needs to his mother
• The responsiveness of the mothers builds trust
• The now infant learns to express needs appropriately
• Infants grow to become bigger toddlers with bigger needs
• These toddlers know the meaning of feelings and how to express
• The toddlers then get better equipped to express themselves to others

Attachment or detachment parenting?

being 'with' your children; not above or below them

It’s important to know your performance score on how you raise your children. Appraisals are required even at work so we know about our own performance and accordingly we can better ourselves. Sometimes you need to stop and ponder on your parenting style and how you behave with your kids. Parenting is little theory and lots of practice. Yet, theoretical awareness allows you to apply the right principles into making your practice better. It’s like any profession. Law or medicine or architecture; all need a strong knowledge base and practical experience. Unfortunately we have courses for all of those, just not for parenting. So you never know what’s going wrong. Trial and error is the only way, and one fine day your child has grown up. And you’re not sure what you did right or wrong to develop this temperament or that personality in him. If only you could be more aware when your kids are still young…

Does your kid talk; or talk back?

Conversations can be such a pleasure if there is agreeableness and respect for what the other person is saying to you. The art of positive conversations is like mirroring. What you throw onward comes back at you with comparable tone and intensity. If you wear black, the mirror doesn't make it white for you. Likewise with children, they talk to you exactly the way you talk to them! They were not born with speech intonation abilities at birth. Everything they ever do is learnt from you. You have to accept all credit (as well as discredit) for who they are and how they behave…

Why is my child so dramatic?

When kids get theatrical and drive you to the same reaction, it’s time for a spot self-check. Just because your child makes strange faces and bizarre bodily movements and outlandish sounds and quaint behavior that can drive you up the wall; you do not have to imitate her. You have to realize that it’s a trap and you need to keep your cool right then. Truly, children can be exasperating, draining, and a downright nuisance when they overreact to life's little setbacks. A little injury, loss of a toy, a friend taking away their book or their potato wafer too. Children just ARE like that. They seem to time their dramatic performances for the most inconvenient time for their audience. Nevertheless, these "small" events are always very important to them. You need to appreciate that and step into their shoes and understand your own children better…