Does your kid talk; or talk back?

Conversations can be such a pleasure if there is agreeableness and respect for what the other person is saying to you. The art of positive conversations is like mirroring. What you throw onward comes back at you with comparable tone and intensity. If you wear black, the mirror doesn't make it white for you. Likewise with children, they talk to you exactly the way you talk to them! They were not born with speech intonation abilities at birth. Everything they ever do is learnt from you. You have to accept all credit (as well as discredit) for who they are and how they behave…
Have you heard this from your children?

• No, I will not listen to you!
• You can't make me wear that!
• But I don't want to come with you! 
• Go away you are troubling me so much! 
• No even if you are going to spank me I won't do it!

Hearing these things from your little one can have you embarrassed, angry, and hopeless. Nobody likes to be shouted at and it can be irritating to be yelled at by your own child. There has to be some way to deal with this. The more you scream, the louder they will shriek back at you. There has got to be some way…

Here's the trick

If you want your children to be considerate to you, you have to start by being more respectful to them in your interactions and associations. You don’t have to do whatever they want or say yes to everything they ask for. That's not what we mean by respect. That’s called just giving up and shying away from the responsibility of parenthood.

Don't talk back

That’s the first rule you need to follow. You are to not talk back when they are talking back to you. It seems like the hardest part but it’s the best trick that works. So when your child asks if they can go play outside and you snap back in an angry tone: “Not at all! Not now! It’s time to do homework!” that's a form of talking back to them and it's teaching your child how to speak just like you did. It's not your fault that you're talking that way to them. You're trying to juggle a million things and get their homework done and make sure that the teachers don't give you a lecture at the parent-teacher meet for your child’s poor performance; and then your kid comes in and wants to just go play and you just kind of crack at him without thinking about it. It is understandable how it happens. But it’s not justifiable enough.

Think about it

When you're dealing with a child who is frequently talking back, it's so important that you pay attention to your own style of talking to them. It's astounding how quickly kids pick language and words from those around them.  So if you want to combat talking back, start being more mindful of how you talk . Notice how you snapping, "Not right now – it’s time for homework," isn't much different than your child saying, "No, I'm in the middle of my TV show" when you ask him to come do what you say.

Do better

Instead of talking back to your child, try to connect with him and respond more politely. 

“I know you want to go play. But we have to complete the homework first. We can do something fun after that"

“Yes, playing outside sounds like fun. Let's sit together and do that after homework today?”

It may take a few seconds more time to think it through and say it gently. But when you talk to your child like this, you're showing him or her that there are other ways for people to talk to each other than with back answering. They will learn from what they see and hear. Yes it is frustrating because their whining tends to “drive you crazy.” What you need to do is take focus off of what's happening to you. It’s you who goes out of control first. That whining is annoying you and making you talk back!

Step into their shoes

It must be hard for your kids also to get upset and whine and get cranky. Look at their tears. Looks at their wants. Just a little television, just a teeny bit of play, just a bit of painting; you need to respect that and use better strategies to convince them for alternate actions. It must have happened to you. It happens even today. You get upset, you feel sad, you want to cry; and you do too. You’re always trying your best but you kids are doing that too. You need to respect that.

Empower them

Teach your kids the right emotions. Empower them with positive communication skills. Think about their feelings before yours. When your child is calm and happy, bring up a conversation about the droning and ask him to share what it's like when he’s upset. Ask him how he feels about it. More you understand about whining, better you'll be at coming up with solutions. They’re your kids after all, who knows them better?