Do you encourage your kids?

Positives are always better appreciated than criticism and negatives (how obvious is that statement). When you want your children to be responsible human beings, you need to first treat them like human beings instead of puppets and machines who react to your commands. If you give them sufficient space and apposite opportunity to live their life for themselves, they will be able to build on their own abilities. Besides repeatedly telling them how they are not good enough, what they cannot do or are not allowed to do; let them know and identify where they ‘are’ virtuous and what they ‘can’ do and are ‘allowed’ to do’. Encouraging them to do their ‘own’ thing leads to optimistic outcomes in behavior.

Back up planning

When children hear a direct ‘no’ for something they really want, there is usually some confrontation and a definite expression of displeasure. However the ‘no’ followed by a ‘but’ always has better outcomes because it allows for alternatives in the child’s mind that she may be willing to happily accept. You need to always have back-up plans for your child when you are rebuffing a loved or wanted demand from her. She needs to know for instance that there are 5 better options you can give her when you refuse the one option that she so intensely wants. It takes some innovativeness and lateral thinking to come with alternatives but you need to give yourself that best chance:

• We cannot play with water in the sink but we can have fun in the shower tomorrow
• We cannot have candy right now but we can have dinner and have chocolate milk
• We can’t buy a new toy but we can work on the jigsaw puzzle when we get home

Optimization

Children need to be reminded that they still have a lot of freedom in spite of the limits that are set for them. They are not allowed to fiddle with the decorative articles in the living room but they can have the best of options in their bedroom: interesting items for them to pull out, sort, and study by themselves, these may be things like measuring spoons, plastic dishes, maybe a toy coking range, iron board or a laptop. Provide things of their own around their room as well as the house that they can push, pull, turn, and manipulate. This makes them know that they have several options. Enhance the list of ‘haves’ versus ‘have nots’ for your children.

Organization

When your children know what’s in store for them they are better prepared to react appropriately in those situations. If you promised them an evening full of fun at the park and instead substitute it abruptly with a television program because you have to make a presentation the next day; they’re not going to be happy about it. It's much easier to shuffle your daily schedule around a bit than to change the temperament of your child. Do not set yourself up for impossible struggles. Organize yourself and along with that, your children too. You will learn, by trial and error, what timing works for them. Once you are set with your work timings and they are set with their study timings, it will be a peaceful setting for fun for the family together and will enhance obedience too.

Safe options

Your children are like investigating explorers and they want to try out newer things that are not essentially safe for them. And you want to negate the danger, not the exploratory potential. Give them small sized tables and chairs for themselves. Place a safe stepladder for them to climb on and wash their hands in the sink or brush their teeth themselves. If you provide them with suitable alternatives, they feel encouraged to use the safer options and keep their temperament at bay too.

• You can walk by yourself on the inner side of the pavement but you must hold my hand when we cross the street
• You can color as much as you like with the new paints but you will wear your apron and stay away from the walls
• You can use the scissor and we’ll cut paper shapes but you will do it when I am sitting with you, not by yourself

Time planning

You need to keep track of your your child's up and down times of the day. Most toddlers behave their best in the mornings and their worst in late afternoon or just before naptimes. Plan your outings during their "easy times." Sometimes you may find mornings to be the easiest times of the day to get your children to fit your agenda. They are in a better mood so you can control them and avoid tantrums. During "tough times" of the day, your toddlers are better at their home base. You also need to offer predictability so children learn routine: breakfast first, then get dressed; put on socks and shoes then go to school; dinner, quiet play, bath, brush teeth, then stories. Routines give your child a sense of mastery on time and encourage them to be better behaved.

Things may still go bad

It’s never as perfect as we would like it to be, but it’s not as bad as we make it out to either. As a parent, you always try better than your best. Don't be let down. You kids need your reassurance to reach heights they themselves are unaware of. Boost yourself to encourage them!