Have you ever grown a plant?

reap right sow right

A tiny little plant maybe as a science project in primary school? We all know basics about botany (no matter what level of education we accomplished or profession we may have chosen). A seed is sown and sprouts off a radical that grows downward and forms the root. It absorbs the best of what it can from the soil and offers nourishment to the steadily growing plant above. It’s this root that initiates the hard work, gathers the raw material that is pushed up through the stem and allows the leaves to use ‘photosynthesis’ and generate nourishment for the entire plant. If not for the root you would see withered leaves and no flowers and definitely no fruit.

Cause effect linearity

We learnt these in childhood too. And we continue to identify these everyday of our lives. Forming reasoning and with repeated conditioning the reasoning becomes logic. It’s the right way to develop associations in our children’s minds.

• If you water the plant it will grow
• If you use soap your hands will get clean
• If you eat healthy food you will become strong
• If you study hard you will become an intelligent boy

And then some negative ones

Life is not always perfect and rosy so we also have to learn some negative consequences of the not-so-good actions. And we train our children on the same too.

• If you don't eat you will fall sick
• If you fight you will not make friends
• If you touch the flame your hand will burn
• If you drop your toy like that it will surely break

Logic

You are the most logical person around, especially in those situations where you have disagreements with your child. He wants to have only chocolate and ice cream for dinner and he thinks all play and no homework is the way life should be. Evidently your child is being unreasonable right? He doesn't know that this is unhealthy for his body and his mind. But you do. You know logic. And you really want him to believe and learn your logic because it’s the ‘right’ way to be.

When logic fails

Knowing cause-effect relationships helps you understand how things work (and why they don’t work). If you’re trying your best and your boss is unhappy with your work, you need to change your job or your performance at the same job. If your exercise plan isn’t making you lose weight you probably have to change the exercise pattern and start a diet to see some change. It’s all logical; if the action doesn't get you the desired reaction; you need to reexamine your action (reactions come later and you have no control over them.) Likewise when it comes to dealing with children and their behavior, it's also helpful to look for cause and effect relationships. If you don't like the behaviors you’re seeing from your child, then maybe you need to address in depth what's going on beneath the surface.

facilitate the appropriate
growth in your child

Look at the apple tree

On the outside you can see the bark, trunk, branches, leaves, and fruit. Beneath the surface of the apple tree there are tons of roots. If the tree isn't producing green leaves, or bright apples, you cannot solve the problem by spray-painting the leaves green and painting the apples bright red. You have to figure out what is causing the dry leaves or the sullen fruit. And for that, you need to look down at the roots.

Your kids are your plant

You need to find out what is going on with your kids' “roots” that is causing them to behave badly.  Behavior is like the “fruit” on a tree, which is really your child. Fruit is the part you can see.  So if you don't like the ‘fruit’ your child is producing, you need to look beneath their surface.

• Is there any insecurity your child is feeling?
• Is this something she’s seeing and imitating?
• Is she going through som emotional trouble?
• Is she afraid of something & unable to express?
• Is it something YOU said and SHE misunderstood?

Make a list of what you think might contribute to the behaviors you're seeing. You can list them in the comments section below. Then together we can brainstorm ways you can address those issues (causes) so that they don’t continue. If you sow right, and feed the roots well, you will always see healthy crop…