Do you like upset kids?

Bet you don't! And your children don't like it when you're upset with them either. They just like you in the good old normal way. They love it when things are happy and peaceful. It feels good, even for you right? So if they're talking back and being defiant, you must know and understand that if they had a better way to deal with the situation, they'd grab it. Your children don't want to be on bad terms with you. They know it best that they get what they want from you when you are happy with them. They really try hard to please you but often you don’t even realize they do so…

Help me
We are usually sympathetic to those who ask for help. It makes us feel important and we often go out of our way to help colleagues, friends and family; who genuinely appreciate and respect us for our assistance. Why not kids then? Your kids are in loss of direction and reach out to you when they seem out of control. They don't like to scream and cry and throw themselves on the floor in that tantrum. You falsely believe that they ‘love’ to trouble you. They are reaching out you because you probably haven’t had the time to give them that attention so they discover their own ways to attain it. Your children are asking for your help, give it to them.
Mommy I’m not feeling fine
Your child, who cries as soon as he comes back from school or whines straight from the bus stop, must have really had a hard day at school. You had one at work too but your defenses are better developed than his so you can deal with it maturely, unlike him. He’s not feeling fine.  He is probably feeling threatened and overpowered. Maybe you have been constantly yelling at him to do something. And may be he isn’t able to really express what he needs or wants from you. He won’t say it but you should know it. Help him feel better.
Trust that he doesn't want to be like this
Majority of the times you lose your head because you feel victimized by your child’s outburst. You anticipate that it is an attack on you. That it is a pre planned and calculated move to hit you hardest where it hurts most when you have had the worst day yourself. Don't be prejudiced against your own child. If you believed he was the victim, not you; you wouldn't react the way you usually do. You would be more sympathetic. And know that he dislikes his tantrum as much as you do. Both of you need to work on making him feel better.
Watch what you say, and do
Keeping in mind that your kids really prefer when everyone is getting along, ask yourself what you can do to create a friendlier environment for your kids. Pay particular attention to whether you're asking questions, or you're giving them commands and demanding that they do things because you want it done. Question yourself on the nature of your demand on them: is it because its really good for them or it is because you feel its more convenient for you that it be done that particular way? (Like feed them when they are really not hungry because it’s got to get done!?)
Look within
If you're not sure how to talk to your child, think about how you would like your boss talking to you when he wants something done.  Would you prefer that he say:

“I want that assessment on my desk today...you got it!?”

Or...

“Can you have that assessment sent to me by this evening?”

You know how to talk politely. You know how to be nice. You know what it would take to make your kids listen to you. You just have to give yourself the chance to do the right thing. It’s always easier to scream and get upset. It’s rewarding to whack them because they spoiled your curtains and it let your steam off. But it’s most satisfying to see your child’s behavior change because he realized that he hurt you and yet you acted maturely, not emotionally with him.
Act now
Start noticing what a difference it makes to ask questions instead of making commands and demands. And be open to answers you get from your children. Remember that all children do like it if things are going peacefully in their lives.  So if they are talking back, it's just because they don't know what else to do. Be gentle with them. They're still learning how to do communicate with others. In the womb they had it all. Now they have to compromise and they don't know how to do it. But they can learn. Start asking more questions instead of bossing them around like slaves. Think about how it would feel and do unto them, as you would like done unto you. And remember they are your kids! They need your love more than commands!