Parenting anger step 2:Healthy choice

agent anger detective

Anger is an emotion, something you feel and something you express (well you definitely want to express it even though at times you curb it). Every emotion does aid some or the other purpose. Just like love, want, desire, happiness, pleasure and other positive emotions enable us to prompt others about what we feel for them; likewise, anger, contempt, dislike, disapproval, all are negative emotions that can be used to unravel some inner drive. The purpose itself has to sound and have some valid understanding. There’s some reason why you are dissatisfied with your child’s behavior. It’s wrong that's why! And there’s a reason why you should not be yelling at them or spanking them. Its wrong that's why!

The healthy choice

We all have to eat to survive but we just don't eat everything even though it tastes wonderful. Reacting at once and screaming at your child is rewarding because it lets off steam. But majority of us today are seeking ‘healthy’ options for food; not so delicious but nourishing for the long run; why not make better choices for our emotions then? Healthy anger coerces you to fix the problem. You are not going to let your child's behavior go unnoticed; and you definitely don't like how that misbehavior hassles you. Making the right use of your emotion is helpful anger; the one that directs you to solving the problem.

It never feels good

Some dislikes are universal. No one particularly enjoys toys being flung around the room, walls scribbled upon, deafening shrieks and screams. No one likes any of this. And practically every kid does it. It's an inevitable pattern.  We have long hard days, we get tired after work, and then, we’re getting old; we prefer some calm after the long trying day. But our kids sadly don't know that. They invariably charge in with the plug that goes straight into the socket and detonates the anger bomb unquestionably.

The ill unwanted effect (think hard and realize this)

You will get upset with your child for the naughty behavior if it continues; and next you will get worked up about getting upset with your little angel.

What then is the solution to the vicious cycle! We need to find a way to break the cascade that leads us to unfavorable reactions towards our own children.

Step by step

There are several steps we see above but one important one is missing. The first step (before the occurrence of the bad behavior). Be the detective. Look for what lead to the shrieking. You must anticipate all those triggers. Sometimes when your child is bored, tired, hungry, or ignored, he or she yelps. You begin to foresee when and how this scream will come and trouble you. 

Look harder it's your doing

When you go out with your friends and your little one has no company he’s invariably going to be upset. Children don't like grocery shopping and they have no qualms letting you know that by tantrumming at the grocery store.  Children get tired, children get hungry, children have bad days at school, children have clashes with their friends and children feel hurt too; there’s a lot that goes on in their day just like yours. After all they are little beings that need quick attention from you and their high frequency shrill gets it for them always. If your little one calls out to you 6 times to see his painting, you reply from the kitchen that you are cooking and you will be with him soon; but if you hear the shattering of that new crystal vase, you forget the food and dash out at once. Your child knows this and so he follows what you have conditioned him to follow.

Get creative

Your anger and the pattern that brings it out should coax you to learn creative shriek-stoppers. You need to be a wiser parent. You need to be innovative. You need to be insightful. Your child will then become a pleasant kid to have around. Use your anger wisely to your own advantage. Regard it as a signal and fix the cause. Most parents use their anger to lash at their children with harsh words (and even objects at times) only to regret it later. The anger eventually dissipates, probably gets replaced by guilt, the moment passes, the child hasn't gotten better, in fact he is motivated to do the same thing again for the reward it brought him. He will get more manipulative and more naughty the next time around. You will begin to dislike your little one and yourself. Make the healthy choice!