Why is my child so dramatic?

When kids get theatrical and drive you to the same reaction, it’s time for a spot self-check. Just because your child makes strange faces and bizarre bodily movements and outlandish sounds and quaint behavior that can drive you up the wall; you do not have to imitate her. You have to realize that it’s a trap and you need to keep your cool right then. Truly, children can be exasperating, draining, and a downright nuisance when they overreact to life's little setbacks. A little injury, loss of a toy, a friend taking away their book or their potato wafer too. Children just ARE like that. They seem to time their dramatic performances for the most inconvenient time for their audience. Nevertheless, these "small" events are always very important to them. You need to appreciate that and step into their shoes and understand your own children better…

You think your child is really being melodramatic?

Children resort to dramatic means to get your attention. Haven’t you behaved like that sometime in life? You have, you just don't know it. We all need to be noticed and we all resort to dramatic means (as a last ditch stand!) when we need people to focus on our needs.

Honestly has this ever happened?

Let’s say your two-year-old hurts falls down while playing in the garden. She holds her knee (there’s no scratch on it it’s pretty clear), "Mummy (or Daddy), please see I really hurt myself." You know she's not really hurt, because she would have been crying in pain if she'd really injured something major in there. You could dismiss this and get back to your important agenda (as usual you have important things to do all the time), but your heart must look behind those eyes of your child. You realize that this very healthy looking knee is not the issue.

What’s the real issue?

The fact that your child feels that her knee is hurt (even though it’s not) is the issue. Your child has learned that she can use her feelings to get your attention and your sympathy, and by showing your own emotional interest in her plight, you can help her develop her expressiveness and let her know that other people do care about her finger just as much as she does.

How you can help

Maybe you could ask her:

"Show me where it hurts. Do you really think it’s very bad?"

If you look into her eyes compassionately and delicately examine her knee and say:

“Oh it doesn't look so bad. And I think you are brave and you will stay strong and the stronger you become it will hurt you less”

You can put some ice on her knee. You can then hold her on your lap for a few minutes until her attention gets diverted to something new. If you are a new parent, it may seem illogical to you. “If she’s not hurt why should I make a big deal out of it? It IS nothing so she should KNOW that' it is nothing. Am I not reinforcing the behavior to facilitate her to do the ‘drama’ again by agreeing to it?”

You have to be smart

You have to be a trouper to know that your child doesn't enjoy leaving the park to come back home to deliberately trouble you and lose her own playtime over the little ‘dramatic parade’ she just expressed. Little children are very receptive to even insignificant trauma to their bodies. From a child's viewpoint, the tiniest pinprick may represent a hole in their body, and they need the bandage to repair the leak at once. They need you to help them do it to make them emotionally stronger. The more they realize that you respect their pain, the lesser their dramatic expressions will become.

This concerns all feelings

Children can have emotional outbursts for several reasons and we often lash back at them asking them to ‘cut the drama’. Every household has a certified ‘drama queen’. We need to respect our kids’ emotions a lot more than that. We can tell our kids to be tolerant and accepting and strong. But think about it from their perspective. We all need to express. We have friends, partners, parents, colleagues, (even therapists and counselors we visit); a whole bunch of people who we turn to for help when we need our voices heard. Who do our kids have? You should be proud they dramatize in front of you and not in the public parks in front of strangers. Don't give in to them, just be neutral and hear them out and offer your suggestions once they've completed their story.

Allow for emotional expression

When your child is upset look into her eyes, and give her time to express herself.

Resist the urge to unload your reaction: your anger, judgment, or your adult logic

Remarks that convey your usual typical adult assessment of the situation tell your child that she should suppress her own feelings and be strong. This gives the child the message that as a parent, you are not accepting of their emotions, and can cause the child to clam up. Distance develops between you and your child and makes communication more difficult. Learn to allow your child to open up to you so you reach out to her and help her better!