The RIGHT defenses

Often those who do wrong, know that it’s inappropriate. In fact people continually know what’s erroneous and still do it. Children recognize this too. Kids know that lying, stealing; hurting someone, screaming when they’re upset and throwing a tantrum is not good. Likewise adults know that worrying, getting angry, hiding emotions, shying from reality, losing hope… are all wrong defenses they use in conflicting situations when they cannot handle it.. The justification to any assault is self-protection; when one is attacked, he will use any defense at hand. But the means used can be hurtful to the self. It’s time to use the correct tools that help us to solve problems and safeguard relationships and self-respect. It is time to use the RIGHT defenses.

Responsiveness

Sympathy (a usually deemed good sentiment) does involve tolerance of the needs of others. However it culminates as an external unconnected offering of pity. It’s not something that’s desirable for building positive relationships and solving complex problems. In relationships that engage emotion, (which really comprises all relationships) it is important to be responsive to the needs of others; to step into their shoes, see their point of view, and empathize with them. If used frequently as a defense, it becomes part of one’s existence and helps build optimal relationships at work, with children, friends and couples too. If only we had the scope that enabled us to look through the eyes of our bosses, subordinates, colleagues, children or partners to understand their desires, wants, expectations, pains, and woes…we would negate our own troubles in splits of seconds.

Introspection

The mind is the model of the universe that too in one’s own hands. Every human being is eternally king of his own intellect. If we gain power over our mind we’re always winners. It only needs an honest disposition to look within one’s own thoughts and lives instead of those of others. When there’s an attack on thought or character or action; instead of hitting back, it’s wiser to gauge why the assault occurred in the first place. Everyone has flaws (the moon has craters and the earth is not exactly round either). Identifying and rectifying them; and making positive change to enhance relationships with people who noticed them in the first place, is a judicious option.

Generosity 

The one who slays is the winner. Maybe in a battleground this is true. In personal relationships however, the one to submit, forgive as well as forget; is the true winner. That is the recipe to conquer people. When you expand your heart and accept people with their shortcomings and strengths together, you pave way to smoothen connects. If you are benevolent by nature and accepting of people’s limitations, the world suddenly seems to be perfect and you become a people’s magnet. Generosity never makes you poor; it empowers you and makes you robust.

Hindsight

Everyone make mistakes but only fools repeat them. Learning is a process of altering future behavior on account of the past. When things haven’t worked well and you know that you felt helpless, it’s futile to find yourself in the same situation again. It’s criminal to say: 

• ‘This always happens to me!’ 
• ‘People forever misjudge me’ 
• ‘Same argument every day!’ 
• ‘Again it didn't work; why?’ 

Obviously you didn't learn from your mistake and didn't seize that opportunity to improvise on yourself. It’s not the job you got rejected for, which is the big loss; it's the learning you could have obtained from the loss of it to help you get the next better one. Or a broken relationship or friendship, that you know you could have mended because you know what goes wrong and you avoid it. Making mistakes is not as much of a sin as repeating them. Use hindsight to generate foresight. It will pave way for better bonds for the future.

Transformation 
Change is the only constant. Survival is always of the fittest. Accept changes in people (and the environment) and agree to change yourself to the situational demands. It’s never going to be picture-perfect. It will never be a perfect job or perfect salary or perfect children, friends or spouses. If you transform yourself to ‘see’ things as perfect, they become impeccable. And you begin to appreciate them simply for the fact that they exist. Change yourself or change your situation. If you cant, then transform your perception of the world. If you want to paint the town red you don't have to move around with buckets of paint for weeks together. Just wear red sunglasses and your job is done!