Do you have an inner critic?

How often do we look into the mirror; not to see how good we’re looking once well dressed and groomed; but to gaze deeper into the soul, to see who we really are, what our true strength is and which are the values we strongly live by? We have reason to look up to ourselves, believe in ourselves, pat ourselves, and feel content with who we are and what we have triumphed in our existence. Yes, we all need to feel proud of ourselves for survival. It's quintessential for us to know that we have worth. We need it to believe that life is worthwhile. Appropriate appraisals and reappraisals from time to time help people better themselves. And who is a better surveyor of yourself than you?

Who am I?

To be a good judge, you need to have your judgment criterion checklist ready. For instance, you can’t arbiter a cook show unless you are aware if all ingredients and their specialties. The taste is just an outcome of the process that went into making that dish. Likewise don't evaluate yourself based on how you look or how many friends you have or the balance in your several bank accounts. Delve into the depths of what it took you to get those looks or that bank balance.

So how must I do it?

Here’s a sample checklist. Score yourself on a scale of 1 to 5

• How hardworking am I?
• How honest are my words?
• How ideal a son/daughter am I?
• How good a friend/confidante am I?
• How hard did I try to achieve what I did?
• How much of what I have do I really deserve?

You don't need a third person to score such a list for you. It’s your own evaluation. The more you score, the better you begin to respect yourself. Earning regard from others is like a distant dream. Most of the time we fail to look at our own selves in the eye because we are unsure of our own repute. That is exactly what the concept of self-esteem is all about. Learning to respect yourself for who you really are. The rest of the world will gradually follow once you adjudge yourself fittingly.

You’re the lawyer and jury and witness and accused and the audience!

What a straightforward court of justice would that be? Imagine that you are being heard for some doing (right or wrong) and are being cross-examined in a court of law. You ought to speak the truth (you are under oath after all). You are the lawyer who cross-examines yourself. You are the witness too, who has to give the honest observation. You give the judgment since you are the jury. And in case there’s a laugh or clap from the audience, that too is you. It’s ALL about you. So the one quality you need here is honesty. To yourself. Because if there’s anyone who can get fooled in this court of justice, it’s you.

The ABCDE of self-esteem
Bit by bit, step by step, brick by brick, is built the strong wall of self-esteem that allows us to shine in the darkest night. Your self-esteem is your own inner North Star that guides you and prevents you from falling astray.
Alertness
The world doesn't make way particularly for any man (may he be hardworking or dedicated or whatever). The man who gets ahead ‘sees’ the right opportunities, which come along all the time, and ceases them because he is vigilant enough to have spotted them.
Boldness
Fear is like the ‘sand’ added to the cement to weaken your wall of esteem. Assess anxieties, find their source and push yourself higher to overcome them. After all, even if you ‘do’ have the strength to withstand that storm, you can’t get to fight it without being ready to face it.
Commitment
The best of abilities go to water if you fail to stay committed to what you set out to. Every cricketer is not born Sachin Tendulkar at the outset, neither every businessman Warren Buffett or each scientist Einstein. In fact no one is born as anything in the first place. But persistence and dedication, in addition to ability, is what raises one higher and makes for a finer person with superior skills.
Determination
It’s not always easy. But it’s usually achievable. What makes it ‘possible’ for some and ‘impossible’ for others is the fortitude with which they put their best foot forward (any foot for that matter). Resilience is what really builds us and makes us last.
Enthusiasm
One must always have an adequate energy reserve to face all that comes our way. The best of abilities become futile unless coupled it with the zest to put in one’s best. The passion to get higher, really takes one up there.
Be just
It’s important to be a good judge so the verdict is right. Self-beating gets us nowhere. Everyone is unique and special. There’s a lot of worth in each one of us, we just have to be in the quest to look for it, and use it to respect ourselves and raise ourselves higher. Be critical but don't criticize yourself!