Suicidality and Suicide

Value of life
Everyone must have uttered these words at some low phase in their life: 'Oh God, I’m fed up this life is just not worth living.' These are momentary and transient thoughts that change as soon as the situation changes, and then suddenly life seems livable all over again. However, for some, this thought may constitute a suicidal ideation, which can easily progress to a suicide plan, suicide attempt, and sometimes-completed suicide. Suicide is a dangerous act, which is consciously undertaken with the attempt to harm oneself with full and complete awareness and consciousness.

Pregnancy and its related problems

Moments of pure of joy

Pregnancy and childbirth are moments of joy and fulfillment. Untarnished instants where there should be no room for trouble or worry. However, with this joy comes the added responsibility of motherhood, multiple lifestyle changes, increased workload and a severely disrupted sleep-wake schedule; at least for the initial few months. These clubbed with the hormonal changes in the mother, can lead to tremendous exhaustion that may exhibit as post partum disorders of pregnancy blues, depression or psychoses.

Personality disorders

Persona

Personality is the make-up of an individual in totality. What we are, how we think, behave, walk, talk, act, react to situations; everything is specific to our own constitution. That is why every individual is different from the other, yet most people usually manage to adjust to, and accept the personality traits of most others. However some behavior characteristics are difficult to adjust to and seem outside of the normal acceptable range. Although all ‘abnormal’ traits do seem to be exaggeration of the mannerisms we see in normal people; they evidently stand out of the range of regularity. These deviations constitute personality disorders.

Chronic pain and its impact

Pain is everywhere

Majority of clinic visits in to a general physician are for longstanding headache, backaches, joint pains, chest discomfort; pain anywhere in the body. Pain is a neurological symptom, that has a medical cause and it demands specific medical treatment. Many varieties of arthritis, degenerative illnesses, migraine and muscle spasms; all are associated with longstanding pain. However, any pain that lasts for more than 3 months certainly has some psychological contributions to it. Such pain is medically well understood as chronic pain.

Aggression and Impulsiveness

Anorexia and Eating Disorders

Women and size 

Thousands of women and an astonishing number of men too, look at the mirror everyday, and dislike what they see. Thinness has become a trend and women consider size zero as the cut off for being anything close to average. Media hype has contributed significantly to propagating thinness. Some professions like modeling or acting demand it; but when the obsession begins to take drastic proportions, it may become life threatening and corrective measures are essential for survival. These then point to eating disorders that are not a ‘fad’ anymore.

Stress and related problems

Stress response
If you went out camping in a jungle and saw a lion standing before you, you would exhibit a myriad of thoughts (what do I do now?), emotions (fear, anxiety), and behaviors (run for your life or find your gun and take target). All these constitute the stress reaction, which is also termed as the fright, fight, and flight response. A similar state may be experienced when a driver suddenly slams the brakes of a speeding car to prevent an accident, or a batsman needs a 4 or a 6 in his last shot to win the match. Everything seems smooth in the world as long as the wheels are rolling at a pre-determined pace in every aspect of life. The moment there is a change; there is a fluster of thought, emotion, and behavior to resist that change. This is what constitutes stress: A complete and wholehearted resistance to change.

Sexuality and its problems

Importance of sexuality

Everyone has sexual feelings, attitudes, and beliefs; at the same time, everyone's self-experience of sexuality is unique because of the intense personal perspective involved. Having accurate awareness about healthy sexuality is very important for the nourishment of intimacy between couples. It is also instrumental in promoting sexual satisfaction and enhancing the sensitivity of interpersonal relationships. Sexuality has significant impact on the overall wellness of all people. One needs to get beyond the taboo and accept one's own as well as sexuality of the partner. This mindfulness helps deal with sexual problems in case they ever arise.

Sleep and related problems

Life and sleep

Human beings sleep for quarter to a third of their lives; hence sleep forms a pretty large expense of time of one's existence. Sleep and dreams have attracted interest since history but the importance of sleep is only becoming evident today, with the emergence of negative consequences of lack of good sleep.

Adjustment: It's not so easy

Life and change

Change is the only constant in life. And change generates resistance. Every passing day brings a change in some or the other dimension for every individual. Facing it is stressful enough, defying it is hardly a comfortable option. It is imperative to adjust to new situations and new people in today's fast moving world. If one is unable to make amends with one’s situation, it affects the psychological well being and can cause distress in the form of adjustment problems. 

When relationships get sour

The connect
A relationship is a connection between two individuals. All relationships thrive on inter-dependence. Some are sturdier than others. These are the long-term bonds, and they often involve emotions. Now, that is where the catch is. Emotions, trust, commitment, attachment, and dependence all form the building blocks of relationships. But sentiments if tampered with, can act as weak links of the interpersonal dyad, which may break the connection if the stress and the associated emotive trauma become agonizing. Connects are precious and yet so hard to sustain.

Mania and Bipolar Disorder

Happiness: who wants that?

Everyone yearns to be happy and energetic, to steal the attention in a gathering, speak aloud and be heard; and have positive thoughts and emotions. Elation, exaltation, euphoria, and ecstasy are all positive emotional states that hallmark happiness. However, when these positive emotions become unreasonable, disruptive, and uncontrollable, they interfere with functioning and constitute the psychological disorder: Mania. The mon waxes and wanes. So do moods at times. At times at regular intervals. At times at random. One must understand the swings and processes to know what is real and what a facade...

Sadness and Depression

Mood 
Mood is the persistent state of emotion. It is something personally felt by the ‘feeler’ and usually is observable to others too. Some are positive mood states: happiness, excitement, exhilaration, exaltation, while others are characteristically negative ones like sadness, disappointment, gloom, frustration, despondency or depression; to name a few. Everyone goes through different emotions through their lifetime, over the years, months, weeks, sometimes even several times a day. A low mood is a problem and if there was an option, one rather not have to deal with it; yet it is a slice of life that one must devour. Life cannot be positive all the time. However, when a negative emotional state is persistent, and it causes longstanding trouble to the person feeling it, it qualifies as a disorder. 

Psychosis: What you must know

Psychosis is a term used to broadly describe conditions in which an individual has lost touch with reality. Schizophrenia forms the prototype of all psychotic problems. The picture of schizophrenia embraces a very diverse range of disturbance in perception, thought, motivation, emotion and movement. Schizophrenia is considered as an illness in which there are frank periods of disturbed behavior in the individual's life; set upon a background of continued emotional disturbance and disability which gets expressed in almost every walk of life. 

Who's obsessed?

Worry and apprehension are normal. At some point in time while we have been on vacation, each one of us has felt a surging anxiety about whether we turned the water tap off or disconnected the gas or locked the door appropriately. Praying or performing ritualistic offerings to ease off worry before a presentation or examination or important life event is a norm in several cultures. Getting negative thoughts amidst positive life events is also a typical reaction because one needs to be prepared for the worst in every situation. Keeping track of adverse outcomes midst confident efforts is the way to go. That's called positive pessimism and it works in all situations. However excessive and unwanted worry that does not lead to betterment in performance, rather acts as an obstruction to it, warrants attention. 

Fears and phobias

Each one of us has a set of dreaded objects, real or imaginary. Someone may fear dogs or cats or rats or snakes or spiders; others may be consciously troubled by the thought of a natural calamity earthquake or flood or volcano; and yet others may quiver and faint at the sight or even the mention of blood. Some people are afraid of closed spaces while others may fear going to open marketplaces alone. All these apprehensions are irrational and uncalled for. They interfere with the way one normally thinks, feels behaves. They hinder one from living a so-called ‘normal’ life.

How are you, socially?

Being the center of attention is exciting. Limelight, propaganda, publicity are good when they get you positive attention. Human nature circumvents all potential uncomfortable situations and evaluations that may have negative consequences on one’s performance, ability or character. An examination or presentation for which one is unprepared is not exhilarating. Some have the ability to fight the situation; others react with nervousness. Social phobia is relatively common today.

Worry: The norm today

Typically nervousness and worry form a part of everyday small matters like work, finances, relationships, health and safety of loved ones; school or college assignments, job presentations and other routine tasks. The focus of worry usually keeps shifting from one task to another. Normally everyone is able to keep control over bothersome thoughts; and life's uncertainties ordinarily don't seem to be getting out of hand. But sometimes, defenses don't match up the stressors; demand overruns the supply of personal energies, and troubles do get out of subjective control.

Time to add color to life

Life is neither black nor white. It has a multitude of shades of gray. Yet there’s a possibility of splitting white into beautiful components and getting the apposite colors to make our own rainbow. Moods, mindsets, temperaments, characters and dispositions are usual excuses for accepting and living with inertia. Life deserves more than gray. It’s time to add some color to life!

Challenge…yourself

Arguments come easy to humankind. And it seems that man enjoys it (women too). It’s common to dispute the opinions of others (that is bound to happen when one has to stand for oneself and safeguard self worth). But apart from arguing with others, there’s a good deal of quarrel put forth by the alter ego within one’s own self in all doings. The difference exists for sure because the self will lose (so what if it’s against ones own self) and no one likes losing. Consequentially, the commonality is that the alter ego stays dormant and the argument fails to occur at all.

Quantifying irrationality

Life isn’t perfect. Things don't go the way they were ‘supposed’ to or ‘destined’ to or the way you ‘expected’ or ‘wanted’ them to. Not even the way they ‘should’ have been. Life is full of expectations and desires and wants that occasionally stay unfulfilled and unconsummated. And truly, it’s not unjust to want to relish the pleasures this world has to offer us. After all we work so hard for them. Everyone works and toils for peace and joy. Asceticism or self-denial is not the route to nirvana. But rationality is a must. Living within rational limits of expectations allows one to have them fulfilled more frequently. And that fetches contentment without doubt. 

The RIGHT defenses

Often those who do wrong, know that it’s inappropriate. In fact people continually know what’s erroneous and still do it. Children recognize this too. Kids know that lying, stealing; hurting someone, screaming when they’re upset and throwing a tantrum is not good. Likewise adults know that worrying, getting angry, hiding emotions, shying from reality, losing hope… are all wrong defenses they use in conflicting situations when they cannot handle it.. The justification to any assault is self-protection; when one is attacked, he will use any defense at hand. But the means used can be hurtful to the self. It’s time to use the correct tools that help us to solve problems and safeguard relationships and self-respect. It is time to use the RIGHT defenses.

The WRONG defenses

It happens often that life’s troubles seem to be getting out of hand. And that commonly adopted façade of ‘I am fine’ doesn't hold up. Human beings have marvelous tolerance and their limits can be pretty cavernous. And yet, one fine day it seems like nothing can get better and the end is near. There seem to be deadbolts everywhere with no keys to unlock the path to freedom. Work, home, children, health, accounts, maids, taxes; there is an endless sea filled with ravenous sharks getting to you and you are still fighting, you haven’t let go and you’re still not happy with the way it’s going. If only someone could come in and set things right for you. Solve all the problems and offer you your well-deserved peace…

It's time to get calculative

Math may not be the only field that makes one excel in life, but the summation of occurrences that add meaning to existence does count. Day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year, the inevitable addition to life is the number of years lived. Birthdays come every year and we have no means to stop them. Until one day the count ends. But till then, the clock ticks. It’s strange that we keep counts of birthdays (a mere addition of years of ‘breathing’) and lose track of things that made this subsistence worthwhile. Or was it ever worthwhile? We dont even know. Its essential for each one to know. Everyone needs some good training in math. To get calculative about life…

Do you have an inner critic?

How often do we look into the mirror; not to see how good we’re looking once well dressed and groomed; but to gaze deeper into the soul, to see who we really are, what our true strength is and which are the values we strongly live by? We have reason to look up to ourselves, believe in ourselves, pat ourselves, and feel content with who we are and what we have triumphed in our existence. Yes, we all need to feel proud of ourselves for survival. It's quintessential for us to know that we have worth. We need it to believe that life is worthwhile. Appropriate appraisals and reappraisals from time to time help people better themselves. And who is a better surveyor of yourself than you?

How expressive is your child?

An expressive child and a responsive parent is a prize-winning combination for toddlerhood. It’s a win-win situation and it enables the parent to shape behavior positively right at the outset. This sequence becomes quite easy to understand as below:

• The newborn expresses needs to his mother
• The responsiveness of the mothers builds trust
• The now infant learns to express needs appropriately
• Infants grow to become bigger toddlers with bigger needs
• These toddlers know the meaning of feelings and how to express
• The toddlers then get better equipped to express themselves to others

Do you encourage your kids?

Positives are always better appreciated than criticism and negatives (how obvious is that statement). When you want your children to be responsible human beings, you need to first treat them like human beings instead of puppets and machines who react to your commands. If you give them sufficient space and apposite opportunity to live their life for themselves, they will be able to build on their own abilities. Besides repeatedly telling them how they are not good enough, what they cannot do or are not allowed to do; let them know and identify where they ‘are’ virtuous and what they ‘can’ do and are ‘allowed’ to do’. Encouraging them to do their ‘own’ thing leads to optimistic outcomes in behavior.

Get charged to take charge!

Sometimes it becomes hard in grouchy situations to really figure who was whining, the child or the parent. And then both sides feel they don't know who started it. It happens in adult-adult interactions too. You know it but sometimes you fail to see it. You lose control of yourself when you are not in charge. Alternatively you are never in charge when you are out of control. So its essential to charge yourself with the right plugins to keep you energized!

Strike! (Not your child; the balance)

Disciplining is all about your knack at striking that balance between autocracy and permissiveness with your child. Children need to get the right message so that they learn the right behaviors. Everyone needs to have these limits set for themselves so they find direction towards the goals they need to accomplish. The younger your child, lesser the self-understanding of boundaries, and more defined should be the limits that you set for them. You love your children (everyone usually does) and the virtues you instill in them come with some level of control and authority; levels of which you have to determine as per your own preferences. Boundaries provide security for a child whose exploratory disposition leads her to explore, but her inexperience may lead her astray. You are the guiding light who knows it all and can direct her.

Set them right: (limits)

Your children need you more than you will ever be aware of. Inside that little monster who seems to ‘like’ troubling you and testing your patience after you’ve had a hard day at your workplace, is the angel who wants you to guide him, do things for him, teach him and help him because he cannot help himself enough.  Children need you to set things right for them all the time. Set their beds, their clothes, their schoolbags, homework, books as well as limits and goals and their life…

Attachment or detachment parenting?

being 'with' your children; not above or below them

It’s important to know your performance score on how you raise your children. Appraisals are required even at work so we know about our own performance and accordingly we can better ourselves. Sometimes you need to stop and ponder on your parenting style and how you behave with your kids. Parenting is little theory and lots of practice. Yet, theoretical awareness allows you to apply the right principles into making your practice better. It’s like any profession. Law or medicine or architecture; all need a strong knowledge base and practical experience. Unfortunately we have courses for all of those, just not for parenting. So you never know what’s going wrong. Trial and error is the only way, and one fine day your child has grown up. And you’re not sure what you did right or wrong to develop this temperament or that personality in him. If only you could be more aware when your kids are still young…

What's your parenting style?

There are many ideas about how to raise children. Sometimes as parents you adopt the ideas that your own parents may have used with you. You get advice from friends. You read books about parenting. You suf the internet. You take classes on parenting. Yet you never have all the answers because your kids raise all new questions everyday and well known theories of parenting fail. You feel that you create new theories each day in dealing with your little ones. However, research repeatedly emphasizes what parenting practices are effective and are likely to lead to positive outcomes for children.

Behavior modification for parents

It’s so normal for parents to consult therapists for their children’s behavior. You don't realize that your children wish that they could get some treatment for you at times. Just as you wish your kids would introspect and appreciate how much trouble you go through for them, likewise they too feel that you ought to look within and ask yourself how you really make your kids feel about your own behavior towards them. You blame them for making you the monster. You need to step back and ask yourself...

Have you ever grown a plant?

reap right sow right

A tiny little plant maybe as a science project in primary school? We all know basics about botany (no matter what level of education we accomplished or profession we may have chosen). A seed is sown and sprouts off a radical that grows downward and forms the root. It absorbs the best of what it can from the soil and offers nourishment to the steadily growing plant above. It’s this root that initiates the hard work, gathers the raw material that is pushed up through the stem and allows the leaves to use ‘photosynthesis’ and generate nourishment for the entire plant. If not for the root you would see withered leaves and no flowers and definitely no fruit.

Do you like upset kids?

Bet you don't! And your children don't like it when you're upset with them either. They just like you in the good old normal way. They love it when things are happy and peaceful. It feels good, even for you right? So if they're talking back and being defiant, you must know and understand that if they had a better way to deal with the situation, they'd grab it. Your children don't want to be on bad terms with you. They know it best that they get what they want from you when you are happy with them. They really try hard to please you but often you don’t even realize they do so…

Top discipline principles

Theory forms the base of good practice. Needless to say, you have the best intentions for your children’s behavioral development and you put in your finest effort to discipline them to the best of your abilities. But sometimes your path may be just too conventional; too orthodox, too conformist; and if it seems like your luck was bad; too ineffective. A little knowledge never harms. Maybe there are a few things we are not aware of or problems we occasionally overlook in our dealings with our own children. The ABCDEFG of disciplining…

What is discipline?

Discipline is no doubt something we want for our children and all our parenting efforts are incessantly put into what we call the 'disciplining process. 'Would you agree to the below or you have different ideas?

• Giving your child tools to succeed in their lifetime?
• Doing what it takes to ‘like’ living with your kids?
• Working on a respectful relationship with them?
• Using right techniques and good communication?
• Helping them build inner control on themselves?
• Virtuous behavior that will last them a lifetime?

When your child is ignoring you

hahahahha, i'm not listening!

Ignorance is the most intolerable emotion of all. All of us want to generate reaction in people around us. Imagine if your spouse ignored you when you were discussing something important. Or your employee discounted you when you were letting him know of the important work you needed from him. Or your dress designer snubbed you when you were explaining the new design. Or your child is ignoring you when you are talking to him about his homework...

When your child is lying to you

Fear: the driver

The main reason people lie (kids and adults included) is because they're afraid that if they tell the truth, something unpleasant will happen. Lying is a defense mechanism. It's an attempt to protect from perceived danger. People who lie tend to be scared in some way.  Your children maybe scared of you. They sense that autocratic authoritativeness and tremble. That must not make you proud. Parents often misconstrue fear for respect. Fear is enforced; respect is instinctive. 

When your child was whining

When you were faced with a child, who was crying, whining, tantrumming, shrieking, screaming or yelling, didn't you do everything possible to get the behavior to stop? It's a very normal response if you did. These are the common methodologies applied, have you used any of them?

• Yelling
• Hitting
• Ignoring
• Time out
• Spanking
• Screaming
• Distraction
• Punishment

But have you considered what it might feel like to be your little child and try to deal with those strong emotions that you expressed to them? If you could step in their shoes just to experience that feeling. So you know what your response does to them and their behavior?

Does your kid talk; or talk back?

Conversations can be such a pleasure if there is agreeableness and respect for what the other person is saying to you. The art of positive conversations is like mirroring. What you throw onward comes back at you with comparable tone and intensity. If you wear black, the mirror doesn't make it white for you. Likewise with children, they talk to you exactly the way you talk to them! They were not born with speech intonation abilities at birth. Everything they ever do is learnt from you. You have to accept all credit (as well as discredit) for who they are and how they behave…

Step into their shoes!

See the checklist below if any of these are your wants:

• My kids mustn’t scream
• Children should listen to us
• They should follow my directions
• Kids should respect their elders always
• I shouldn't have to repeat things to them
• They should understand and do the right thing

If you’ve ticked 3 or more of these (Most will tick all 6), you have some unrealistic expectations from your children. Just like you should not put on weight and your spouse should always understand that you are doing so much for them and your boss should know how hard you work and give you a raise, likewise your kids should do all that you want them to do. How easy is that to expect and how impossible is it to obtain?

Making your child obey you

The dictum in life is to be reasonable in expectations so that we are not let down. Maxims also state that when you put in your best you are welcome to expect the finest outcome. And then, laws of physics state that every action generates an equal and opposite reaction. Next, mirrors reflect back at us what we truly are, nothing more, naught less. So the key to happiness (backed by evidence base and science) is to sow the best seed so that you get supreme and flawless crop. That crop who ‘wants’ to listen to you. The crop who ‘waits’ for your command because he has the utmost desire to follow you as his role model. The crop that every parent wishes, dreams, prays, pines for. The crop of the obedient child.

Why toddlers are difficult creatures

To cope with toddler behavior is a mammoth task. You tend to lose your head and test your own patience and you frequently turn into a monster that surprises you more than anyone else around! You react unthinkingly, you say things thoughtlessly and sometimes you lash out with your actions foolishly. If you appreciate some basic principles of development you will understand your children and their behavior challenges gracefully. When you know what you are expecting and more so why it’s coming your way, you can deal with the calamity better…

Do kids really get depressed?

you should know best how your kids really feel

Childhood is a carefree, happy and blissful time. Infanthood as if was crafted only to be enjoyed by children (as well as their parents). But it’s not uncommon for our little ones to feel the pressures and strains of today’s life. They too can feel deep sadness and dejection inside their innocent hearts and innocuous minds. They really know how to feel pain. They sense deeper loneliness and neglect than we are capable of even imagining. Our kids ‘know’ depression because they know how to feel. More than ever before. With rising IQs kids today have greater emotional receptivity at early ages. They know how to feel ecstatic and likewise they know how to feel in the dumps too...

Teaching (or learning?) to apologize

Your children do things that upset you sometimes. Very often actually don't you think? And don’t these thoughts run through your head frequently?

• My child should obey me
• My child should respect me
• My child should be honest with me
• My child should be grateful for all I do
• My child should actually say sorry to me

Well there’s really a lot that we expect our kids to do. But is it always rightfully so? The ‘shoulds’ are all for the kids? Parents often miscue their child’s doings and likewise their own too. Parents are not impeccable. They can misunderstand too, they are frequently rude; they may act irrationally and even scold or spank their kids groundlessly. Is there not sufficient reason to offer an apology to kids then?

Why is my child so dramatic?

When kids get theatrical and drive you to the same reaction, it’s time for a spot self-check. Just because your child makes strange faces and bizarre bodily movements and outlandish sounds and quaint behavior that can drive you up the wall; you do not have to imitate her. You have to realize that it’s a trap and you need to keep your cool right then. Truly, children can be exasperating, draining, and a downright nuisance when they overreact to life's little setbacks. A little injury, loss of a toy, a friend taking away their book or their potato wafer too. Children just ARE like that. They seem to time their dramatic performances for the most inconvenient time for their audience. Nevertheless, these "small" events are always very important to them. You need to appreciate that and step into their shoes and understand your own children better…

Parenting anger step 3:Take charge

that's not pretty!

Once you see things in perspective and you have been the good detective, you are in better position to take charge of the situation. Your reactions and responses have to be smart and guarded. You cannot lose control, not even for a moment else the ‘Operation Child Modification’ that we had started with, will fail and your satellite will be back on the ground right where you started off.

Parenting anger step 2:Healthy choice

agent anger detective

Anger is an emotion, something you feel and something you express (well you definitely want to express it even though at times you curb it). Every emotion does aid some or the other purpose. Just like love, want, desire, happiness, pleasure and other positive emotions enable us to prompt others about what we feel for them; likewise, anger, contempt, dislike, disapproval, all are negative emotions that can be used to unravel some inner drive. The purpose itself has to sound and have some valid understanding. There’s some reason why you are dissatisfied with your child’s behavior. It’s wrong that's why! And there’s a reason why you should not be yelling at them or spanking them. Its wrong that's why!

Parenting anger step 1:Perspective

Parenting is one of the best things that can happen to you. It may seem trying and tiring but in many ways it can be therapeutic too! Your anger that is expressed outward is a reflection of what you have imbibed over the years within yourself. It can reveal where your own problems lie and motivate you to fix them. If you have some unresolved anger, you must heal yourself before you end up harming your child. This will benefit you as well as your child in the long run. Feeling angry is almost a normal emotion. What's abnormal at times is what we choose to do with the anger.