The dictum in life is to be reasonable in
expectations so that we are not let down. Maxims also state that when you put
in your best you are welcome to expect the finest outcome. And then, laws of
physics state that every action generates an equal and opposite reaction. Next,
mirrors reflect back at us what we truly are, nothing more, naught less. So the
key to happiness (backed by evidence base and science) is to sow the best seed
so that you get supreme and flawless crop. That crop who ‘wants’ to listen to
you. The crop who ‘waits’ for your command because he has the utmost desire to
follow you as his role model. The crop that every parent wishes, dreams, prays,
pines for. The crop of the obedient child.
Your child will be as obedient as you
expect him to be, or as defiant as you allow her to become. In the early years
children don't know what behavior is acceptable or unacceptable until you tell
them. Your own children want limits so that they don't feel out of control, and
they want their parents to stand by those limits. They keep testing your limits,
only to see if you will uphold them. When you don't, the child is anxious that
no one is strong to contain him.
Mixed
messages are the worst
Didn't it happen the other day that you
asked your little one to eat her dinner and you were pretty stern about it but
your husband said that she could complete the show and then watch it? You and
your spouse probably had a little discussion in front of her and you reached no
truce. Your child eventually didn't know whether she was to eat or continue
watching television. Of course she picked the television because it was
definitely a more ‘fun’ choice. That's what mixed messages to do your child.
They confuse their raw minds. They don't really know whether their parents
really want them to eat their dinner or continue to watch television. Don't do
that to your child!
Perfect
discipline
Everyone loves gold standards. Today with
rising benchmarks, we all want to follow and ‘be’ the best. You need to be that
best hero for your child. Someone your child imitates. If you are routinely
angry, anger becomes part of your child's self. The child learns that this is
the way people deal with life. If you always scream at your child to make her
do anything; may it be folding her clothes, doing her homework, brushing teeth
or eating dinner; she learns ‘screaming’ as a method of communication to get
things done. She screams back at you when she wants something from you. If you
model happiness and trust, with an occasional angry outburst, the child sees a
healthier model. She comes to realize that people are happy most of the time,
but sometimes difficulties make you angry. You handle situations and go back to
being happy. Children learn from you.
Nurture
confidence
Children need to learn the ways of life
from you. Once they know, they get confident. Knowledge is the greatest tool
you can train them to use. A growing child with a positive self-image is easier
to discipline. She thinks (and knows) of herself as a worthwhile person, and so
she behaves in a worthwhile way; but not the child with poor self-image. The
child who doesn't feel good doesn't act right. Her parents don't trust her, so she
can't trust herself. No one expects her to behave well, so she lives up to
their expectations. She misbehaves!
Shape
your child's behavior
Children are born with some innate behavioral
traits while others are planted through the behavior seeds you sow right in
childhood. These make up your child's temperament. Your must use time-tested
ways to improve your child's behavior in everyday situations. Focus on positive
behaviors and use suitable behavior training methods to shape their behavior
positively. This makes positive behaviors flourish and negative ones vanish.
Make
your kids care
One of the most valuable social skills
you can help your child develop is empathy: the ability to consider another
person's rights and feelings. Children learn empathy from people who treat them
empathetically. Besides teaching children responsible behavior toward others
and toward things, also teach them to take responsibility for themselves. By
learning to take responsibility for their actions in small things children
prepare to make right choices when the consequences may be more serious. If
they respect how others feel, you will never have to correct them because they
will always do the right thing…
Talk
and listen
Communicate with your child so she
doesn't become parent deaf. The best authority figures specialize in
communication with their children. And they use fitting methods. Screaming,
shouting, commanding, ordering, yelling are not appropriate communication
tools. These don't work anywhere: not with your spouse, colleagues, employees,
servants, friends, nobody! Why should they work on your child who is as
(probably more) evolved and intelligent than you? Wise disciplinarians know how
to relate to children: talk to your children respectfully. Besides learning how
to talk to a child, it is equally important to learn how to listen. Nothing can
win a child (or adult) more than conveying that you value their viewpoint. It’s
the strongest tool you have…
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