Do kids really get depressed?

you should know best how your kids really feel

Childhood is a carefree, happy and blissful time. Infanthood as if was crafted only to be enjoyed by children (as well as their parents). But it’s not uncommon for our little ones to feel the pressures and strains of today’s life. They too can feel deep sadness and dejection inside their innocent hearts and innocuous minds. They really know how to feel pain. They sense deeper loneliness and neglect than we are capable of even imagining. Our kids ‘know’ depression because they know how to feel. More than ever before. With rising IQs kids today have greater emotional receptivity at early ages. They know how to feel ecstatic and likewise they know how to feel in the dumps too...
Why would ‘kids’ be 'sad' ever!?

Pretty much for the same reasons you feel sad. They're human too (we sometimes forget that!) They’re not toys or machines that we so ritualistically like to control and expect exact predetermined expressions from them in different situations. You cook their favorite dish and they don't want to eat. You plan their favorite movie and somehow they’re not excited about it. Reality check! They are not robots! Now think back:

• Did you feel gloomy when you lost someone you loved?
• Have you felt hurt when your boss put you down at work?
• Did you feel dismayed when your job interview went really bad?
• Did you ever feel upset when your best friend ceased to trust you?
• Were you distraught when you had an argument with your loved spouse?

So how and why are these situations ANY different from the one’s children face? Think about all these situations that you have experienced and now live them with the exactness of the emotion that your child perceived…

• Did your child seem gloomy when she lost her favorite doll?
• Did she seem dismayed when she was rejected for elocution?
• Did he seem hurt when you scolded him in front of everyone?
• Did he look upset when his best friend found another best friend?
• Was she distraught when she had a fight with her play pal that day?

That’s how and why kids get sad. They’re AS human as you are. You just need to change the way you see them.

But kids get over it no?

Yes the same way you get over it. You choose to neglect what you feel. You believe you are strong and you shouldn't show your weakness. You feel you should keep it within yourself because people will put you down for feeling low. People will think you are a sissy. People with mock you. And you will lose your respect for being so cowardly. Right? And what happens after that? Do you feel strong again? You feel more alone. You get pushed from momentary sadness to pathological depression. At this point just thinking positive doesn't help. Now it’s beyond your control. You get depressed.

How kids really feel

The pattern is quite similar for children. They face the same emotions as you and think it’s wrong to show what they feel. Your little one gets back from school and refuses to eat his favorite snack. You don't know that in the football class the coach told him he’s no good. It’s really not a big deal for you but it is the world for your son. His self-regard knows no greater low than being told by the coach that he’s unworthy of being on the team anymore. Or for your daughter when she’s told that she cannot be the fairy queen in the concert anymore.

Ventilation lets you breathe

Children easily develop the idea that it's not really OK to feel depressed. They start to hide their feelings rather than deal with them in a healthy way. Reassure your children that sadness is not something to be ashamed of. Give your child the right to have these feelings; respect their emotions and allow them to express them in a healthy manner.

Be honest

Tell your child the truth. We instinctively want to protect our children from pain, but kids are very proficient at picking up when something is wrong. By being honest with them we allow them to work through the pain in a mature manner. Even if it is about visiting a therapist or counselor or behavior expert, let children know that they aren’t crazy that they have been brought for help. All of us feel sad in response to sad situations that may hurt us or trouble us. Just that some of us feel it greater and we need help to overcome it.

Facilitate expression

Give your child time to grieve, even over the small things. A pet fish may seem a small thing to you, but may a big deal to a child who has never dealt with loss. Pay attention to your child's symptoms and don't put them down for feeling them. If the symptoms have been lingering for an extended period of time and you are seeing severe changes in their personality, accept that it is time for you to seek and utilize professional help.

Motivate them to reach out

Teach your child its okay to ask for help when they need it. Give them a list of people they may talk to such as you, a teacher, a relative or a counselor. Don't minimize their feelings. It may seem small, but what matters is how they feel about it. Be aware of impacts that your own responses to life are having on your child. Your child learns coping skills by watching you so you need to be positive too.

Keep a watch

Do look out excessive sadness, irritability, loss of pleasure, change of appetite or sleep, tiredness, change in behavior towards friends, refusal to step out of the house, seeming withdrawn, dropping grade,  feeling worthless or ever mention of not wanting to exist. These symptoms are common and we shouldn't ignore them. Our kids are more important than our faulty self defeating cognitions about us being the 'best' parents and so our kids can never be 'depressed'.

Keep the faith

The fact that your child is depressed does not automatically mean he will need medicines. Be the rock for your children. Let them lean on you. Let them regress at times. Accept their emotions. Don't ridicule them. You are the best counselor for your child. Yet some kids may need to see a professional counselor. And they do very well with different therapies. Children are more emotive than we are aware. A little love gives them big hope. Stand by them and stand strong.  They will observe you and gain that strength. After all, parents are their ‘HEROES’, the best pillars of strength for their children.