Sep 11, 2012

Adolescents: Relating to Adults


As is well known and accepted and cannot be challenged; man is a social animal. Human beings need to build relationships, share, care, give, as well as take from those around them. Relationships can be equated with energy in the world, flowing between hearts and brains of all human beings. Just like the laws of physics that say that the total quantum of energy in the universe is constant; it just keeps getting transformed into diverse forms; so also relationships keep building between people- a vegetable vendor, a postman, a teacher, an employer, an employee, a parent, friend, lover or spouse; all are examples of relationships you build on because you NEED them. And teenage is the most important time for building these connections. Healthy bonds with the appropriate elders in your life assure a gradual and graceful progress to a strong and confident adulthood.
Remember the four c’s in relationship building with adults
Ô  Commitment
Ô  Communication
Ô  Cooperation
Ô  Consideration
Commitment
Relationships thrive on trust and commitment. And this is not just true between friends or lovers as you would commonly tend to believe. You can be committed to your school teacher or college professor or your grandmother too! If you believe in a teacher you will learn better. If you believe in your parents, you will obtain life skills that will make you excel in whatever you do. If you are committed to friends, you will have life long companionship and will never feel a pang of loneliness ever. Commitment is not forced. You must set yourself free and trust people around you to build on your faith that will then help you to find a place in their hearts forever.
Communication
Simply and most appropriately put, communication is a transfer of information. And this transfer is EXTREMELY imperative to have your viewpoints expressed directly and appropriately instead of expecting everyone to read your mind and know what you want. At the tender adolescent age, most relationships with adults get sour because of the generation gap and communication lack. So learn to be open and assertive but NOT aggressive. The opinions of your parents and teachers do matter; so you must learn to talk to them without worrying about the consequences. It will bring you closer to them and you will begin to appreciate their viewpoints a whole lot better.
Cooperation
Music is pleasing to the ears because of the unison that exist amongst the different players and their instruments. Each musical instrument is different from the other: drum, violin, flute, piano; but put together make beautiful music. Out of congruence, it would seem like noise. In relationships too, cooperation is important or else it takes no time for them to get sour. You must learn to accept and share the views of people who matter to you in your life. You cannot live in isolation. The Gestalt rule says that the ‘WHOLE’ is different from the ‘SUM’ of its parts. Just like 5 musical instruments played together sound so much better than each one played separately; likewise, good cooperation amongst everyone in the home, classroom, library, gym, tuitions, club etc will help you strengthen relationships for years together. And who can be better than experienced your own parent, uncles, teachers, relatives and the whole barrage of people you meet in your life day in and day out? Waste no time, cooperate with them now!
Consideration
You must have enough time and inclination in your routine to consider the opinions of those around you. Again, you may not agree in totality with everyone but you must always be kind enough to offer your ears and listen to the viewpoints of people. They will usually have some more experience (maybe not intelligence but yet a good load of experience!) that you can use. May it be selection of career or partner or a job in the future; you must consider the opinion of the adults so it builds their trust in you and vice versa. This  will help keep any kind of negative emotions (fear, anger, disinterest, disagreement) at bay and you will be able to put forth your own point to them better.
Looking at yourself self: accepting transitions
We usually respect people for different reasons. These include:
Ô  Age
Ô  Relation
Ô  Education
Ô  Career position
Ô  Experience
Once we respect these factors we find ourselves relating to people older than us much better. Maintaining friendships in that sense is simpler because there is never a hierarchy. But relations with adults need nurturing and you ought to keep yourself prepared with the essential emotional tools to relate to the adults in your life more optimistically and purposefully. After all it’s going to benefit you in the long run! So don’t think of a 100 meter sprint; instead, learn to focus on the marathon of life; and strengthen your bonds with your mentors today itself!

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