Teen Crisis: My parents embarrass me!

Hey mom you have no idea what’s ‘cool’ so don’t tell me how to behave in public

Dad you belong to a different era. Who dresses like that nowadays?

I don’t want you to be home when my friends come over…just let us be by ourselves

Don’t hold my hand while crossing the road, I know how to cross the road myself!

Whatever happened to wanting your parents to be with you like you used to in childhood? Mom don’t leave me alone, daddy come with me to my school please, dad I think you are cool I want to be like you, mommy come with me to my friends birthday…

Today the same parents embarrass you?

Well, embarrassment is an emotion laden with a sense of shame, a feeling of negativity and antagonism, a desire to not be with the person who arouses that feeling in you. But having such a strong negative feeling for your own parents? That’s not something that ideally seems right. And then it’s again all about perception and the way we see things. Things are really not what they are. They are really the way we see them…

Yes some behaviors will seem to embarrass you

Your parents may have shouted at you or told you off in public sometime but they do it because they don’t realize you’ve grown up. They may scream at you like they did when you were a baby or even call you by your nickname (which you would never appreciate in front of your friends).  But they treat you like a child because really you are their child! Sometimes it may look silly that they try too hard to be cool in front of your friends, talk like they are the most aware of things and discuss the latest fashion trends too; but they think you would appreciate it and it’s with good intentions. They stop you, comment on you, give you moral lectures in public; best (rather worst) of all they hold your hand while you cross the road! Yes it is true that these behaviors are unacceptable by a teenager and parents often indulge in them.

Why you feel that way about your parents

Today your friends decide what is ‘in’ and what is ‘stylish’ and what’s in ‘fashion’. You trust and believe in your friends. You feel they are the ones who can guide you to be the best you can ever be. Teenage is a period of identity formation. You want to be the finest. So obviously you want the right guidance for it. But who gives that to you? Your friends, of course. Right? And for some reason, your friends’ opinions tend to clash with those of your parents. Parents are usually conservative so they want you to dress differently, talk differently and behave differently. They are over cautious with you. They always give you the advice which is right in the true sense but is never ‘stylish’ enough.  They themselves look, behave, talk like they are from a different generation. But you know what? They are from a different generation. That’s the hitch. They are not as young as you are so they will probably not know the latest trends that you are well aware of. They have not been able to keep up to date with things that you are in tune with. The difference in thinking leads to difference in expression and that’s where the clatter comes from.

But that doesn’t mean you hate them for it right?

Your parents don’t mean harm. Usually (in most cases) parents like to do the best for their kids. But yes, we do agree that their best is not always what you may think is best for you. The generation gap needs to be bridged somewhere. Today’s fast moving world has many changes which you as teenagers are abreast of but your parents are not. And when they try to follow your trends, you still feel that they’re not doing well enough. Don’t hate them for it. They mean well…

So what can we do about i t?

Befriend your parents. Become the same generation. Come to their level or bring them up to yours. All you need is to reach a truce in between and not be at war. All the embarrassment and opposition comes because you are not friends with your parents. Don’t be their enemy. You are always tolerant of your friends aren’t you? You always accept their shortcomings because you love them. Don’t forget to love your parents too. They are on your side. They never mean harm to you. You are their little baby (even when you become 50 they will still be as much older than you as they are right now). If you feel their tastes are outdated train them (in a positive way) because you care. You need to get to the base of your relationship between and strengthen it from the roots. Either behaviour will change or acceptance of the behaviour will change. Both are for the better so try it out!