Teens: That’s what friends are for!

Teenage and stress?

Stress is a part of every living creature’s existence. Everyday, every moment of our lives we face numerous challenging situations. Everyone is entitled to bad days and waving moods but its important to know when they are worse than the normal limits. Teenage is known to be the period of tumult and turmoil and it takes intense psychological defenses to safeguard oneself and stand strong amidst the storm.

The pillars

Teenage is the phase we take friends to be pillars of support. It is almost like an unwritten responsibility we have towards our friends when they are facing difficulties; to stand by them and see them through their trying times. You need to keep track of your friend’s mood and observe when it may have suddenly changed. Problems get people down and make them tense, fearful, and angry and above all—they seem out of control. Research has shown that teenagers in stress either try to handle problems themselves or talk to their friends. That shows how important friends are for survival!

Teenagers: how they react

An argument with another friend, loss of a pet or a loved one, miscommunication with a parent, a fight at home, failure in an exam, a physical injury: all are threatening situations in the life of a teen.  All these situations can be so very upsetting. They are beyond ones own control and anyone can have a breakdown. Any stressful situation usually gives rise to the following responses:

Fight:            you take charge and rationalize and reach solutions

Fright:          you get upset and angry excessively when you are afraid

Flight:           you withdraw from the situation

You need to keep watch for the signs of emotional trouble your friend may be going through.

Unhealthy ways that teens may adopt

Teenage is a period of impulsivity. Tolerance levels may be low and frustrations get out of hand. You need to keep a watch for your friends getting extremely angry, looking sad and low, not attending class, not doing well in exams as they used to earlier, looking tired (maybe they’re not sleeping on time) maybe they seem withdrawn or at times break into tears for a seemingly trivial matter. They may have appetite changes, maybe they have lost or gained significant weight; all these are important signs that you must keep a watch for if you have the slightest instinct that something is wrong.

Communication is the golden key!

Communication is a very strong key. In nine of ten cases your friend who’s not doing well will say: ‘please leave me alone!’ it becomes very important for you to give them space at that time; however if it lasts too long then you have to once again offer your support and try again. Mind you, you may face a good deal of oppositionalism (maybe things will be flung on your face and phones and doors slammed!) But you have to be unswerving and stand for what you believe in. If you leave them alone and don’t communicate at all, their sadness and anger only gets worse, and they become rather self disparaging than self helping and constructive.

What you must do and what not

Be a counselor to your friend. Help them to help themselves. Empower them and stand strong with them. There are some rapid first aid actions which involve basic support. They may not solve the problem but they help to ease off the stress transiently and then maybe your friend will be able to deal with the problem by him or herself.

Do

Talk to them

Listen to them

Be serious with them

Enable them to open up

Ask them to exercise with you

Arrange for a nice surprise for them

Let them know that you care about them

Do something fun: any of their favorite activity

Don't

Just let them be

Get upset if they are rude to you

Throw back a tantrum if you get one

Leave them alone even if they ask you to

Ignore their symptoms thinking it will be alright

Feel afraid to get help from other friends and family

Ever gossip about what you think may be going on

Expect that they should be telling you everything in one go

Be there

Remember how when you were a child you may have been upset and thrown a tantrum? You wanted all the possible attention from all the possible people around you? You lost your toy and cried for hours? It was great to get attention right? You just wanted somebody: rather anybody to understand what you were feeling? And when you knew that you were not alone, the weight of the problem seemed lesser? All you need is to go back to that childhood and know how to heal pain and offer a supporting hand.

After all, Dionne Warwick was right:

Keep smiling, keep shining,

Knowing you can always count on me for sure,

That’s what friends are for…

For good times and bad times,

I’ll be on your side forever more,

That’s what friends are for…