Don't gossip!

All of us are worried about how ‘good’ we are. How ‘well known’ we are among our peers. The ‘impression’ that others hold of us. How much we ‘know’ and ‘where in society’ we stand. It’s the good old insecurity of the human mind: placing our worth on the views that others hold of us. And often we engage in right or wrong activities because we don’t know the difference. We want to know everything to keep ‘up-to-date’ with the environment.

Our folly

Little do we realize that it’s more important to watch the news or the discovery channel to know the latest important news! We think that knowing who our friend is planning to date next is interesting and juicy and absolutely imperative information to identify. Our brain tends to feel excited and secrete the ‘happiness chemical’ (also known as dopamine); which is a feel good factor. And after a while our brain needs that gossip regularly to release the dopamine; that is how gossip becomes a part of our daily routine because it is what makes us happy. It’s like an addiction.

It is true!

Psychology studies have proven that the reason you go back for more is because ‘its irresistible fun’.  When you listen to something juicy, your brain may respond to the novelty of it in the same way it might to any new and exciting experience. That fills you with enthusiasm and you call it a ‘good day!’

What qualifies as gossip?

We are all eager to know about what’s going on with people around us. Likewise people want to know about our life too. And we exchange information of the same. All such exchange is not gossip. But when we say something that we surely would not in the presence of that particular person, put that person down, laugh at his or her misfortune or looks or life; it definitely is. Something that makes us happy for a while, something that excites us, adds some spice; but, at the cost of another. 

If it’s so bad why does everyone do it?

In a way we use gossip as a way to get closer to our friends; besides adding excitement to our boring day, we are spending ‘fun’ time with our friends. The more you communicate, the better it is for the relationship. You laugh together (yes its wrong that you are laughing ‘at’ someone else). So as much as the gossip helps you build certain bonds, it does work negatively on your character because you get used to laughing at others and disrespecting them. It may bring out jealousy about someone else which you can easily express because the whole group of your friends is doing it and you don’t feel the guilt right then. You are almost playing detective and sometimes you compete with others to see who knows the more juicy part of the story first. It almost becomes your second nature’ like a survival instinct! You are burying your character by doing it.

Use other's gossip constructively

Get encouraged to not talk like others do. If you see your peers discuss something negative about another, get inspired to become a better person yourself (so they don’t discuss you in that same manner). You also can just use the information that you obtain, without contributing to it. And don’t believe anything without evidence because ‘you heard that’. It messes your relationship with others if you just believe what you ‘heard’ about them. Gossip must keep you on track. It should teach you what’s normal and expected behavior, and dissuade you from doing the opposite. Realizing that you might also be talked about prevents you from behaving in unacceptable ways

Change!

You can’t change the world as much as you would like to, but you can start with changing yourself. Stop talking ill of others. You would not want them to do the same to you. Don’t be insecure; and do not think that if you don’t contribute to the gossip then you will not be accepted in your peer group. Your friends need to love you for who you are, not for the gossip you offer them. Those are true friendships anyways.

New arenas

Build newer interests. Play a sport, discuss current events, take interest in national or international politics, discuss studies, movies, plays, music, shows; there is so much information out there in the world that you are not aware of. Don’t waste your time on useless information that is not intellectually stimulating and also working negative on your own character. Use alternative means to get your friends interested in you. Use your mind (or else it will rot for sure) and your body (sport, exercise, gymming, aerobics etc.) for the better. That way you will attract friends with better interest than mere senseless gossip.

Be different

Censor yourself. When in doubt, don’t. You can always share something later if you want to, but you can’t take it back once you’ve already said it. Just because you have juicy information you don’t have to spread it. Ask yourself: telling this will be more fun for all of us listening; in comparison to the pain for person we’re talking about? Will this be hurtful to anyone? Is it really fair to be saying it?

The answer will find you…