Teens: Beware of the wrong company!

Company that is wrong, invariably never seems wrong to those who have fallen prey to it! If you do not value education, are often anti-parents and pro-alcohol, tobacco, drugs, and casual sex; and you thrive on irreverent and often obnoxious music; you will probably proclaim that you have good and loyal friends who support you in all this.  You may also insist that they're much nicer and less shallow than the other boring ones around. But these are the people who come under the category of WRONG COMPANY. These negative peers may indeed be kinder to you than some other teens around. You may try to become secretive about them, you may think that your parents are over controlling, and you may protest that parents have no right to say with whom you can be friends or foes. But you have to be honest to yourself. You have to know what is good for you, what is right and what is not!

Who falls prey to the wrong crowd?

You tend to fall prey to wrong crowd if you are lonely, attention seeking, and sometimes aggressive. You may be anxious about lack of friends, even when you actually do have a few. Gangs and groups often put pressure on you to join in. You may be disappointed being alone and you may become so anxious about making friends that you’re willing to do almost anything to be included in any group that validates you. That’s when the wrong crowd attracts you and you fail to stand strong enough to avoid it.

How does the wrong crowd maintain solidarity?

Sometimes teenagers actually develop a deep resentment toward the bright, achieving, or athletic kids who haven't accepted them into their circle, probably because they are brighter and better achievers. There is a possibility that a vulnerable teen may share that resentment in order to build solidarity with another group. In some ways this vulnerable teen that is you, tends to believe that "good kids" are bad, because the "bad kids" are loyal to each other, although they may appear tough or mean to outsiders.

What can you do to combat loneliness?

If you’re feeling lonely, think that you’re being with yourself. Call it independence even though you realize it isn't easy for you. In that way, you avoid putting too much pressure on yourself to make friends and become popular. Use this time to learn skills and develop interests that will enable you to share activities with others. For example, learning to play chess will encourage you to play with other kids, developing an interest in music or art will give you a passion to share with other positive young people who also enjoy those activities, or playing soccer or taking gymnastics classes will make you feel like part of a team. Once you have friends who share your interests, you will be less likely to feel pressured to unite with negative teens.

Avoiding the ‘wrong crowd’

It is essential to send a clear message to the wrong group that you wish to not befriend them for specific reasons. You'll need to convince yourself by internalizing the fact that their behavior is unacceptable. Morality is not something that is taught as a curriculum. It’s something you imbibe from your family traditions and culture. Habits too are observed and taken in from your family. If you have a parent who smokes or drinks, you in fact should take up the added responsibility of convincing them to quit rather than roaming around with peer groups who indulge in similar behaviors.

Finding the ‘right’ crowd

Finding good friends takes time. But remember that there's no need to hurry it along. You will eventually find good friends. Seeking popularity encourages your quest for status and quantity of friends, which may or may not turn out to be a good thing, depending on the values of the popular peer group that you select. The most positive technique for removing yourself from a negative peer group is to get involved in positive peer experiences, such as fun enrichment programs, special-interest groups, drama, music, sports, Scouts, religious groups, summer programs, camps, or youth travel programs. You may not want to join without your friends, but introduce yourself to at least one person who's already part of a group and watch the ‘good’ group encourage you. Be good and be right. It’s the only way to be!