Choose your friends wisely

In ancient Rome in 106BC, Cicero spoke of a sacred bond that allowed a person to care and be concerned for another with honesty, trust and truth. These were the distinct qualities that bound two individuals together and this bond soon came to be known as FRIENDSHIP. He claimed that when one of the two persons became ‘EVIL’ the bond was broken and the friendship ended!

Who are friends after all?

We have several people we care for and are concerned about. We like to spend time with a lot of people, share our joys and sorrows, gossip a little bit about others, and occasionally; even fight and make up with them. We look forwards to seeing these people on a daily basis while we are young, maybe weekly when we start getting older and busier; and sometimes monthly or yearly too if we change cities or countries of residence. This is that special category of people we call as our ‘friends’.

Life cycle of friendships

In the period between the end of early childhood and the onset of full adulthood, friendships are often the MOST important relationships in the emotional life of the teenager; and are often more intense than relationships later in life. One does make friends all along the way but the intensity is the maximum in adolescence. A study by researchers from Purdue University found that secondary-education friendships (e.g. college, university) last longer than the friendships before it and after it.

Understand the 'frenemy'!

Having no friends can be emotionally damaging. In cases of shy and withdrawn people, the idea of approaching someone for friendship becomes a source of stress. Yet in other cases, arguments and fights with friends lead to a lot of dissatisfaction and trouble. If these are within limits, they in fact lead to self realization and self growth.

However, sometimes people actually face a big dilemma to decide whether the friendship is really benefiting you or not.  An interesting term here is FRENEMY: a blend of the words friend and enemy, the term frenemy refers to someone who pretends to be a friend but actually is an enemy---a proverbial wolf in sheep’s clothing in the world of friendships. Most people have encountered a frenemy at one time of another, either at school, at work, or lurking in their neighborhood.  It is best to be a good judge and keep distance from them!

Friends lengthen your life

The conventional wisdom is that good friendships enhance an individual's sense of happiness and overall well-being. Well being increases the immune system responses in the body and makes the body fight illness better. Conversely, loneliness and lack of good friendship is linked to an increased risk of common cold, skin allergies, heart problems, viral infections, as well as cancer! Friendship networks have even been termed as a “behavioral vaccine” that protects physical and mental health. There are several explanations to this. Good friends can encourage you to lead healthy lifestyles; they will coax you to seek help and access services when needed, and they may enhance your coping skills in dealing with illness and other health problems. We are not talking of friends who convince you to follow unhealthy practices like smoking or drinking or doing drugs! They would surely qualify as 'frenemys' who shorten your life!

Does friendship matter?

Every building NEEDS a foundation, for that is what it stands upon. How well it was laid, determines its longevity in testing times like an earthquake or cyclone or storm. Likewise is true for friendships. Friends can help you study during examinations, act as a source of information or entertainment, are good company for movies lunches and dinners; or simply act as company to fight solitude and loneliness. However, the true essence of friendship emerges like the essence of tea leaves when dropped in hot water. True friends are the pillars who support you when you are in trouble. They are not the ones you can manage to live with. They are the ones you can’t do without. They are your strong support and convince you that life is worth it. When you find someone who sees more worth in you than you sometimes see in yourself, never let them go. They are your true friends. As Cicero would call them: DIVINE!