When your child is ignoring you

hahahahha, i'm not listening!

Ignorance is the most intolerable emotion of all. All of us want to generate reaction in people around us. Imagine if your spouse ignored you when you were discussing something important. Or your employee discounted you when you were letting him know of the important work you needed from him. Or your dress designer snubbed you when you were explaining the new design. Or your child is ignoring you when you are talking to him about his homework...

We know how you feel

When you are expressing your heartfelt mindset and the person before you ignores you or doesn’t even acknowledge or laughs, it will frustrate you. But the way out is to change this person; or probably, change the way you express your opinion to the person. You’re probably using a strategy that's not working. You need to abandon the approaches that don't work and look for ones that do. Whatever it is, don't keep doing things that don't work because it makes the ignorance worse!

Change Focus

Instead of focusing on how your son doesn't share his toys with his friends or doesn’t respond when you want him to do his homework or doesn’t eat or doesn’t swim or read or doesn’t do what he should be doing (according to the way you like it); and then scolding him for it because it is bad and inappropriate behavior; start paying attention to times that he does share with others, does listen to you, does agree to read a story book, does eat his food and encourage all those times. Your focus must be on your child’s virtues, not always faults.

Build and make positives grow

Use positive reinforcement strategies. Praise him for all the times he is good. Don't magnify the times he is bad. Gradually he will begin to follow the behaviors that get him his parent’s praise. The more you catch your child doing behaviors that you like, the more he'll do those. Children want your attention that’s all. Being naughty usually gets them more attention. They need to know that good behaviors don't go unnoticed.

You mean good

Your son doesn't have to share his toys or eat everything you give him or swim when you want him to or be happy at every birthday party and mix with everyone around and not mess his clothes while playing in the garden. Yes, you want him to do this. You are obviously a good parent and you're assuming that it is the better thing to do. You are hoping that your child grows to be neat and clean and polite and intelligent and socially apt. You definitely mean good for your child. But its not realistic.

Be realistic

In reality, there is no absolute need for it to happen the way you want it. It's not a matter of life and death if he chose to wear an outlandish tee shirt at your friend’s party. Or he dropped paint on the tablecloth while he was creating his piece of art on the dinner table. Yet you're standing there raising your voice, and screeching at him as if it were. When you make a huge deal out of something like your child not sharing or eating or listening, you're probably overreacting. And then when you get even angrier when he starts laughing or ignoring, it's getting more out of your control!

• Lighten up a bit
• Learn to laugh at yourself
• Learn to laugh with your children
• And consider sticking up for children sometimes

Survival strategy

When people are threatened, they get defensive; some get angry and some even cry. When threatened, people ignore you or smile or may even start laughing. Everyone may have their own way of dealing with stressful or unhappy experiences. Instead of scolding your child for laughing when you're scolding him, try talking to him in a way that won't set off his automatic coping strategies of laughing at you. When you see your kids not doing what you would like them to do, ask them more assertively. Once you have a clearer understanding about what's going on, you can respond (by being rational and not simply reacting (by getting emotional, impulsive and upset). It makes a clown of you and makes your child believe that he knows how to get a tantrum out of you. It becomes a fun event. You don't want that.

Take charge

Understand your kids and don't judge them. They will not ignore you if they respect you. You cannot demand that respect. You have to live it. When you are in charge, you are the boss: you get the job done and people listen to you because ‘they want to’ not because ‘you want them to’. Be the parent your children want. That is how they will be the children you want them to be…