Humans are needy from the moment they’re
born. Among the entire animal kingdom, Homo sapiens babies are the most
dependent; for food, care, nurturance and comfort. With age, they do ripen their
ability to shoulder personal responsibilities and deal with challenges that
life offers along its path. Sometimes their progenitors over indulge and inculcate
disproportionate dependency; however there is still possibility of independence
if emotional and social development take place appropriately. In an ideal
world, one takes accountability for personal actions and their outcomes. This
allows for self-reliance and offers a sense of security which is a mandate for
a fulfilling existence.
The world is cold and the road is dark. Helplessness
and incapacity often seem like justifications for inaction and procrastination.
Inferiority and loss then become a defense to fight the shame. One may adopt a
saccharine stance for disappointment and become tolerant to setbacks. When this
negative and self-depreciating attitude sets in, the ego compensates by
diminishing the negative emotion and becoming comfortable with defeat. That is
when the percept of the self gets distorted. One begins to lean on others for a
sense of fulfillment while the core gets hollower by the day. That is how
dependent personas are created.
Man is a social being
Human beings are emotive creatures. They
have societal roles, collective responsibilities and inter personal
expressivity. They share their triumphs as well as letdowns with ease; and
forever (rightfully) seek praise as well as comfort for their doings. However
personal obligation must not be lost in the process of self-disclosure. Comfort
with the self (with strengths and limitations put together) is a sign of social
and emotive maturity. A lack of the same may result in dependent personalities
who imagine themselves to be powerless by themselves and seek to attain prowess
from anyone around.
Dependence in relationships
Need and craving are not positive variables
in relationships. Neither do they predict pertinent outcomes. Goals in reliant
and resilient relationships are self-growth and interpersonal regard. When
dependence stems, it marks the outset of adoption of an inferior role in
relation to a superior being. Dependent individuals may seem loyal,
unquestioning and affectionate; offering tenderness and conformity towards the
pillar that offers them support. Ties that bind are not stringed with glue.
They are capable of self-subsistence and flourish independently too; with the
awareness that there are connects that link them to those around, but aren’t obligatory
for survival.
Dependency Quotient
Seclusion is not endorsed; one needs to
build connections with people around to have a fulfilling life. However it’s
important to assess one’s own dependence quotient to avoid being paralyzed when
constant assurance and reassurance is amiss.
- Do you prefer people helping you make important decisions?
- Do feel the need to seek advice for commonplace decisions?
- Have you faced difficulty in expressing what you really feel?
- Do you feel you agree to things you ideally don’t want to accept?
- Have you faced difficulty while initiating a new venture anytime?
- Do you worry about special or important people abandoning you?
Build focus by changing your locus
We usually lose focus because of our wrong
locus of control. Personal responsibility in education, work, relationships,
success and failure alike; allows for self-appreciation and self-approval. One doesn’t
need to look upto others for affection and worthiness. Minimization of personal
abilities along with maximization of external competence builds dependence. One
wishes to fulfill ones emptiness with the perceived ability of others. Learning
from others is no sin; however constant subconscious and unconscious self-beating
is. The will and ability to change one’s life is all that one needs to make
that difference. Everyone has it; they just don’t know they do…
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