Whose fault is it anyways?

What went wrong?

When so much in love and so drowned in passion, why do relationships get tarnished? Why at the most convoluted moments in life are empathy lost and connections broken? Why does nothing seem enough and then things fall apart? Why is there an end to a beautiful married life? Who is to blame? What did I do to deserve this? I gave it all I could and this is what I got? Why did this happen? How could this happen? Well, too may seemingly straightforward questions and never an answer to suffice. 
The 30:70 rule 

It seems natural to expect people to change to suit their partners. Relationships tend to bank on the presumption that once together, the partner will change for the sake of other. If only they were aware of the statistics of alteration. The 30:70 rule emphasizes: if at all there is change to adapt, it occurs in 30% of the relationships. Further on, 30% of the traits of the person may change while 70% stay intact. Personalities are formed by the age of 16 years in general. The plasticity (willingness and ability to change) usually seals by that age. And most marriages and relationships happen after the age of 16! So the quantum of change that is ‘expected’ to occur usually outruns the measure of adjustment that truly takes place. There are rare exceptions to the rule and people do change significantly to absorb the preferences of their partners. However by and large, it is wise to know and accept the 30:70 rule than otherwise. 
Dealing with transitions

Change is constant. We always talk of adaptation for survival. This change is hardly a matter of choice these days. It is indeed imperative to adapt to so many other aspects in life to thrive. Health, work, employers, employees, finances, friends, family, travel, death of loved ones, birth of children; all are foreseeable events and occurrences in life that everyone has to deal with. Midst these, it is essential to build on one’s strengths and face change graciously. That is what personal growth is all about. And a supportive partner is what each one needs to help each other deal with these changes effortlessly. 
Respect the person’s persona

Every person has a personality of his or her own. Something another cannot fathom, invade or transform. No matter how similar one may appear to their partner (preferences, hobbies, likes, choices etc. which bring them together in the first place), their soul disposition is distinctive. And it never comes to light until intense moments of intimacy. There is not time planning for this. It may take years to realize how different your partner is from what you may desire him or her to be. Or it may be evident at your first contact. It doesn't matter when you see the differences as long as you know how to respect them and love beyond trivial whims. 
Fluctuating transitions

At every age and every stage people change. Relating to a life partner was difficult in the first place due to elemental differences in personality; and at every stage if more and more alterations are taking place; adjustment can be quite an ordeal. If one knows that this is normal, one may accept it more gracefully and learn to respect the partner and his or her persona and its transitions better. Some couples know this and learnt to accept their partner’s habits; but sadly once they have accepted them, they change again! 
Hidden space

The seasoned couple accepts and even gets attached to the habit of the other. The way they think, behave, talk, walk, look, dress; they even begin to expect the expectations of their partners! However, in reality no matter how much we tend to understand one another, there will be that phase where you don't know the other person wholly. All human beings have a “hidden space” comprising unique thoughts and behavior patterns, which they themselves understand and discover with time and experience. The person undergoing these changes is himself or herself in a tiff, only adding to the strain in the relationship. 
It all goes wrong

At the outset, the differences and then the inconsistent transitions together make people feel insecure, insignificant, and unloved. They question themselves but never truly realize what went wrong and what could set the fire of love ablaze once again. They progress to infidelity, paranoia, frustration, transient break-ups or lifelong closures like divorce. As attachment fades, one is lost in a constellation of shattered emotions and convoluted feelings with questions never to find answers. 
Look within

If your relationship fails, there is a possibility that you didn't put in as much as you could have. Well it may not be 100% true; your partner could be undeniably blamable. But if you feel the impulse for a moment, place your partner and the relationship before yourself; you may find answers. It’s really not a battle. Battles instigate bloodshed. The only force to overcome here is you. Still no answers? Maybe the question and the relationship weren’t meant to be. Maybe it’s time to then move on and create peace. There is always an answer.