When negativity and pessimism get deeply ingrained in one’s persona, there is a transformation in the outlook towards
life. It seems like life was never worthy, things never happened right and
relationships never worked. When there are no persevering memories of happiness
or contentment, the mind cannot retain images of sanguinity. When asked to
recall happy and positive moments, one usually denies their existence. There is
thus no baseline to get back to.
Life is a congregation of memories. It’s a makeover
of thoughts so irreversibly protected that they become our reality. Reality
truly is not what it is, but a perception of how we comprehend it, assimilate it
and retain it. There are 2 possibilities when people have negative memories.
Life is not fair; maybe there have been recurrent adverse events; hence they
get reinforced. There could also be some miscalculation during the assimilation
process so that the undesirable events have been retained for retrieval at a
later date. Or somehow there are both but the subconscious mind chooses to
retrieve the bad ones (self-guilt or self-beating phenomenon). Some or the
other way, if bad prevails over good; the memory is reinforced and chooses to
stem to the surface at whim.
Character ingraining
We become what we think. Thoughts arouse
emotions which stir behavior. Behavior identifies our being. We may not be well
known for our thoughts or for how we feel but we definitely get famous or
infamous for what we do. Yet, what we think and how we feel is most important
for sanity. It is what characterizes us. It’s not about the world’s perception.
It’s what we make of ourselves, for ourselves, by ourselves. And the more we
reinforce what we perceive, character is strengthened. If there is no positive acuity,
pessimism becomes us. Negativism gets embedded at the core. And memories are
taken over. And we feel we were born unhappy, the world is unfair to us, things
have never gone our way and they never ever will.
I was always unhappy
Remember the alcoholic who hid his bottle
while intoxicated and had no memory of it the next morning? Until the time he
got drunk again the next night and found where he had hidden it? Memories are
state dependent. The brain gathers and organizes happy and sad recollections in
clusters. If you touch one you break open the can of worms and see all. When you
make a wonderful presentation, you are reminded of your previous successes and
pride overcomes you. Likewise the instant you forgot your wife’s birthday, she
reminded you of the 100 things you have forgotten about her over the past year.
Happiness begets joyful remembrances and sadness precipitates all prior depressive
events. The more one nitpicks on gloomy occurrences; greater is the tendency of
the mind to retain and recall them. And eventually there’s amnesia for
happiness.
Introvert vs. Extrovert
Contrary to the popular understanding of
the introvert who anchors himself in a quiet corner uncommunicative and
uninvolved, contrasting with the extrovert who is the life of the party,
singing away and reaching out to every guest; this explanation of personality
traits has deeper connotations. Introverts have inordinate memories of all
events; these influence their thoughts and actions. There is careful planning
of every move because life’s setbacks influence their relatedness. They may be
embarrassed (enough) due to their own boisterous behavior of the past and the
freshness of the same in their mind disallows openness in communication which actually
makes them so withdrawn. Versus the extrovert who has no memory of his own
unruliness; and is rather proud to be the comedian, undoubtedly repeating his clowning
for the entertainment of others.
Learn to let go
Making peace with the past is the only way
to prevent it from damaging a beautiful future. When you let go, you forgive
not just others, but also your own self. The one you ought to love and regard
the most. Give up the burden of contempt, disgust and hate. No one is perfect
or ever will be. But life can still be impeccable midst its inadequacies if you
see it that way. Don’t polish golden memories with grease. Apply shimmer to
keep them sparkling. So they shine when life is dark...
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