Ever encountered a time when the best of
your friends seemed to not care? When your partner seemed like a stranger;
mother a tyrant and father an enemy? The earth seemed to be rotating in the
wrong direction, sun setting in the east and most questions remaining unanswered?
Relationships seeming estranged for the minutest of reasons, often without any.
And it all seemed like the world was playing games with you. Games you had no
awareness of, hence no methods known, no rules identified, and no processes
acknowledged. Of course winning such a game is out of the question. But knowing
the games; more so being cognizant of their aims helps to play them better.
Life can become interesting and indeed fun too!
A mundane existence with humdrum routines
is recipe for unproductivity. It’s not something that qualifies as anyone’s
personal goal. There’s always need for action, reaction and interaction. Here originates
the game! Every interface between people is really comparable to a sport; else
it wouldn't be stimulating enough to even exist. People rarely conceal their inconsistencies;
which indeed are the first mark of the surprise for those around them.
Expressions, comments, remarks, all intend an arousal of thought, emotion and
behavior in another. Personal or business meetings are not like a train ride.
There is no prefixed path or protocol. The most unexpected exchanges are thrown
and if you catch the ball, you have started to play!
Getting emotional
Each one on this sphere (including you: the
protagonist) says things that arouse emotion (we may or may not want that but
we all do!). We seldom successfully send across messages that were absolutely
intended. Communication patterns today are self-determined and so are the
intents that escort them. Someone who commented that you’ve put on weight may
have proposed to convey that you look healthy. However it aroused offense; and you
now think he played the game of challenge. Thus you either oppose that reality
in totality or despise the emotion that brought it up. Alongside, your friend
sees you playing this game and wonders how to play it back. The games continue…
Why do you react how you do?
Events engender memories which surface in
several situations, often uninvited. These reminiscences conclude character. If you've had someone cheat you, it’s expected that you would be less trusting in
the future. However the escalating worry and anxiety with every successive let down
may culminate as paranoia. We know how and where it came from. But we need to
be cognizant of this fact. To know why we react the way we do. The past cannot predict
events of the future. But it always regulates individual reactions to forthcoming
events. The intellectual and emotional memories determine response patterns. If
we know this, we know why people behave the way they do. And we can respond to
their conduct appropriately. And we can understand them better. And decipher
why we relate to them the way we do.
Responsiveness
In relationships that engage emotion,
(which really comprises all of them) it is important to be responsive to the
needs of others; to step into their shoes, see their point of view, and
empathize with them. If used frequently emotional responsiveness becomes part
of one’s existence and helps build optimal relationships. If only we had the
scope that enabled us to look through the eyes of our bosses, subordinates, colleagues,
children or partners to understand their desires, wants, expectations, pains, and
woes…we would negate our own troubles in splits of seconds.
Step into their shoes
Life isn't a contest. You’re not competing
with your partner, children, friends, employees, bosses, housemaids; nobody.
The race in the end is with yourself. If you gather the ability to understand
people, you understand yourself better. Everyone feels sad, all get threatened,
each one fears loss, and every one defends their self-respect. When you
challenge authority, people get threatened (so do you). If you identify with
them, they usually enter your space and become one with you. If you’re playing
a game, don’t play against the world. Play with them and enjoy while you do!
No comments:
Post a Comment