Challenge…yourself

Arguments come easy to humankind. And it seems that man enjoys it (women too). It’s common to dispute the opinions of others (that is bound to happen when one has to stand for oneself and safeguard self worth). But apart from arguing with others, there’s a good deal of quarrel put forth by the alter ego within one’s own self in all doings. The difference exists for sure because the self will lose (so what if it’s against ones own self) and no one likes losing. Consequentially, the commonality is that the alter ego stays dormant and the argument fails to occur at all.

Two sides make an argument

Coins have two faces, a day is followed by night, winter succeeds summer; likewise man has his alter sides too. Carl Jung, the well-known Swiss psychologist devised the term ‘individuation’. It articulates the integration of opposites, while still maintaining autonomy of each; and this is essential to make a whole. Everyone wears a persona mask. A face that one really has and the face that society expects him to possess. This character mask is essentially a façade. Appropriate living necessitates an integration of the mask and reality. It takes two to debate. And you have the ‘other’ you who is different from the real one. It’s nice to challenge oneself once in a way and let the two express their own viewpoints and reach a rational conclusion.

Two faced? Me?

The law of equal doubles emphasizes that the strongest negative and positive emotions occur simultaneously. The human mind is designed that way. When you hold a little newborn child in your arms, you worry that you don't want to drop the child and hurt her. Ecstasy is an intimidating emotion because you fear that it will pass. When you drive at 120 mph and feel like you’re floating, the fear of an accident is expected. Or the enthrallment at the top of the mountain coupled with the fear of falling. The two faces always coexist; in most situations they are at peace with each other. And the positive prevails. This is what keeps us going, yet keeps us cautious.

Crunch time

Challenging moments are those where negative face takes over. When caution becomes the blocker of action. Conflicting moments usually generate 3 responses:

• Fight: wherein one finds strategies to tackle the situation 
• Fright: where one may freeze, lose control or break down 
• Flight: where one withdraws and flees from the situation 

Needless to say in several cases fleeing is the best option (when there’s a bear chasing you in the jungle for instance!) However life’s daily occurrences demand that one faces all situations boldly with the apposite presence of mind and problem solving tactics.

Get set…go…argue

Now is the time to argue with yourself when these thoughts fill your mind:

• This is hard and I cannot do it! 
• No point; its not going to work! 
• I can’t succeed in this, why try? 
• I’m number 2 and I’m no good! 
• I’ve lost before; I will lose again! 
• Other’s views matter, not mine! 
• Everyone’s selfish no one cares! 
• I’ve failed before why try again? 
• People are selfish I will be used! 
• I’m very weak I will be let down! 

A lot of these may be quite true some of the time. But all of these are not absolutely true all of the time. The world may not be the most beautiful place but it is as pretty as you make it out to be. There is always an option, a better way to see things, a nicer way to approach them and a sensible way to deal with them.

Cross examine

Use all your debating skills to challenge the negative thoughts that poison the rational mind. Friends and family and colleagues and spouses; all try to make you feel better. But you cannot change how you feel unless you alter the way you see the situation. No one can help you unless you choose to help yourself. Keep these thoughts handy:

• Things go wrong but they often go right too! 
• People are kind and they will be nice to me! 
• I may not be perfect but I’m still quite good! 
• I may not be number 1 but I still do my best! 
• I failed once but it doesn't make me a ‘loser’! 
• It is difficult but it can’t stop me from trying! 
• I didn't win doesn't mean I cannot try again! 
• It may be tough but I might just be tougher! 

Troubles cannot get out of hand unless you allow them to. If you control negative thoughts, challenge destructive emotions, and negate ineffectual actions, you win yourself; it's the biggest victory.