Is that right?

When was the last time you stopped and vacillated on something? On the lines of:

I’ll do it but this is probably not the right time...

I’ll consider it but this is possibly not the right choice...

He/she is nice but perhaps this is not the right match for me...

The wavering mind

The human mind is most well known for its indecisiveness and uncertainty. The universality of this wavering is evident in everyday happenings. What must we wear, what should we talk, where would we eat, what should we eat, what movie do we watch today, will he/she break my heart, is he/she spot-on for me…the list of maybes and may be nots is endless. And rightly so, it's a part of our existence. Life is not a railway train that's unchanging on its tracks and cannot make diversions. We all drive cars that can take alternate paths in the woods (even though there are roads already paved for us!) and if not we still have the opportunity to ‘walk’ our own way whenever we want, wherever we are and however we choose to do so.

Who decides what's right for you?

There is no right and wrong in this world; is as true a statement as is: there are infinite rights and wrongs on this planet…

What seems right to us or for is probably wrong for someone else. A job that we failed to acquire became the livelihood for another when he/she was selected for it. The dress that was disliked by another became so right for us when we bought it. Many a times in life the one who broke our heart, mended that of another while we found another companion to restore and nourish ours. We fail to realize how unique each one of us is. Each has its own existential intentions.  Each has its own purpose (to seek). We were all literally thrown into this world and left to find our purpose and give our life it’s personalized meaning. We need to find that ‘fit’ between that purpose and ourselves. That is when you will feel that your life ‘has’ purpose (once you have accomplished it!)

Right and wrong based on morality?

Decisions are not always essentially moral. While those that are, still use the same brain processes to reach a conclusion. Scientists at Harvard University have found that humans can make difficult moral decisions using the same brain circuits as those used in making more mundane choices related to for instance money and food. Just like you know that you like to eat a particular flavor of ice cream, so also you are cognizant of the fact that you will not pass lanes while you drive on the road or walk out of a store with an item without paying for it even though no one saw you. However some of us face trouble reaching even mundane decisions, leave alone the bigger moral ones. We need to train ourselves to be decisive, and more so, make the right decisions for ourselves as well as the world around us.

Be calculative

Those who know what they want are not simply lucky or more intelligent than us (as we usually claim them to be). They make the choices based on their self-awareness. You need to befriend yourself and know yourself before expecting that things will fall into place and life will become picture perfect. Simple insight into your tastes, your habits, your preferences, your strengths and importantly your shortcomings, will enlighten you and offer you direction in times of quandary.

Be an accountant

You always need to compare the relative sizes of costs and benefits. Just like when you buy a car, you must balance the cost of insurance against the cost of repairs. You don’t know at the outset whether you will have to pay for expensive repairs down the road. But you must make the right decision knowing that it always makes sense to invest more today for a somewhat better time in case of trouble tomorrow. Smaller decisions are manageable and if you don't like the movie you watched or the restaurant you visited today you could go to a better one tomorrow. Some decisions however need more attention. Your career, your life partner and above all your morality and the direction you give it on a day-to-day basis need the right thoughtfulness.

Leap of faith

You could be leaping into a ditch or diving into a calm sea. True it’s always nicer to know where you’re heading, but unfortunately (and thankfully) we don't have time machines so we can’t predict the future outcomes of our choices today. But we can certainly change the outcomes by altering our perspectives about the process so that we work harder to appreciate the aftermaths and accept them to make them ‘right’ for us. They don't (and never will be) right at the outset. They just turn out right in retrospect because we ‘make’ them right. Often on the 25^th wedding anniversary you appreciate that you made the right choice in marriage; at the pinnacle of your career success (which occurs easily a decade or two after you start work) you sense that you were born to do this very job. If you don't take the leap you will never find a job or a home or a car or a life partner. We are all ordinary decision makers. We just have to put whatever available information about probability and anticipated magnitude together to reach our decision.

Take that leap of faith!