How do you do? (in your relationship)

My partner is the best!

Now is that something you find yourself thinking aloud when you see him or her after a long hard day at work? Is that roughly what is running through your mind and felt straight from the heart when someone talks about your partner? Do you feel this emotion every once in a while? Or then, when you hear these words spoken by someone else what really runs through your mind? That’s pretty unrealistic, or this one seems to be really lucky, or maybe he is just saying it; he doesn't really seem that happy and satisfied with his love life…

English grammar and degrees of comparison

So around the 5th grade maybe, we started learning the degrees of comparison in our school, right? Long-longer-longest, happy-happier-happiest, good-better-best; and so on. These degrees have always been intriguing. The positive is easy to understand. For instance: Their relationship has lasted long. She seems to be happy. This relationship is good. Even when we add the comparatives, it’s probably more acceptable. This relationship lasted longer than her previous one. She looks happier than her sister (how can you or me decide that though?). Her marriage is better than her brother’s (again it’s unrealistic to compare aspects of different people’s lives). And then coming to the superlative: How can we ever be sure about the longest and happiest and best? What do superlatives really indicate? And how can we start to compare superlatives again! Her spouse is the best but mine isn't!  After all he is her spouse not yours, no one but she, has a chance of saying that. And then again going back to grammar basics: How many spouses does she have that she means ‘this one’ is the best!
So is there any best at all?

Now let’s ‘uncomplicate’ the degrees. Either there are no superlatives or there are way too many of them in this world. Just like Miss Universe is not the ‘most beautiful’ woman in the universe; she is the ‘only’ woman to have gotten that title that year because she participated in the contest and was adjudged the best among the contestants. We conclude superlatives based on our personal choices. What appeals to us may not appeal to another. And what seems the best to us may be average, often bad, sometimes the worst; for someone else. Perspective makes all the difference. You choose your best because you made it best. You are the stimulus as well as the response.

You are the judge

When you evaluate someone, it’s usually a blend of who they are and how they seem to you. No one is perfect (perfect is a superlative too!). When we are in a good mood we see virtues in others. When we’re upset we magnify their faults. We maximize and minimize the qualities in others at our own accord (free will after all). And then we tend to live by these flimsy judgments. We label people as ‘messy’ or ‘rude’ or ‘self-centered’ or ‘callous’. Or again: ‘best’ or ‘worst’. The key to happiness is to not judge at all! Your partner is your partner that’s it. He or she doesn’t have to be the best or the worst. Don’t focus on him or her or yourself. Focus on the relationship. And then move towards making your relationship as fruitful as you can.

So what do I have to do?

Correct your cognitive distortions (misleading thinking patterns). Don’t make prejudices based on random events. Don’t conclude too soon. Take charge in your relationship. If something seems wrong, be the first to realize and take steps to improve it. Be the giver not the receiver. If both partners take initiative, there will be no silent spells and no blame games for ignorance. See the positives in your partner. No one was born perfect. And marriages or relationships were NOT made in heaven. You were not made in heaven either. You are human so is your partner. Realize that and work towards better times so you can say to yourself (no one else) my partner and me are as good as we can be and we’ll try to get better each day.

Seasons

It’s not going to be rosy all the time. There will be shower and sun and storm too. Keep your sunscreen, sunglasses, raincoats, windcheaters and umbrella ready always. You never know what season will show up next. But if you are well prepared, it will always seem welcome. Relationships can simply be summed in these words…

Welcome spring with chirping birds,

Laughs and smiles and loving words.

Summers are so warm and nice,

Always filled with joy and spice.

Here is autumn with falling leaves,

What was so constant, now cleaves.

Winters seem so dull and cold,

Was it false what was once told?

There is no escape, there are no reasons

In relationships you face all 4 seasons