Self-compassion or Self-pity? (2)

Right from wrong

In more cases than less, those who do the incorrect thing know that it is erroneous. Awareness is not a predictor of righteousness. Insight has different levels of cognizance and these foretell the quantum of behavior change in response to that level. The most common (and possibly worst) of all is knowledge without corresponding action.

• Exercise is good for health (how many do it?)
• Sadness isn't a defense (who realizes that?)
• Giving up isn’t an option (who acts on it?)
• Anger is destructive (who keeps it in mind?)
• Patience cures half the troubles (Oh really?)
• Kindness is better than wrath (do we do it?)

Few follow what they deem right for themselves. Anger, rage, blame, guilt, negativism and self-pity are internalized emotions that sprout from unresolved external conflicts. They rot the interior without us appreciating the damage they are capable of…

Ask for help

A severe medical illness drains one’s energy; it truly is victimizing and calls for care and compassion. Sympathy, care, cooperation and understanding in such situations are helpful emotional expressions. When offered by others, they are well appreciated and received. Likewise similar emotions ought to be felt by each one for themselves. Pity has no space in this gamut of feelings. Indeed, there are worse troubles than physical maladies; stress, change, children, finances, taxes, rising costs, strained relationships, work pressures; all are challenging and tiresome. It is only healthy to accept them gracefully or change the situation so they don’t seem strenuous anymore.

Wrong focus

Nobody is perfect. By feeling sorry for ourselves, we overindulge in our own shortcomings. At times we are unaware of our limitations, living in a bubble of illusory self worth. Arduous times remind us of these margins in our ability. At these moments compassion towards the self is nurturing and soothing. It's a way of paying attention to oneself. Insight into insecurity, failure, hardships and loss can be overwhelming. To suddenly realize:

• That your work performance is not good enough
• Your spouse is not happy with you since a while
• Your kids are performing inadequately at school
• You have been exercising but have gained inches
• Your health is suddenly showing signs of decline
• Recession hit the globe and it sure hit you hard

The first reaction to all these is shock and disbelief. When you are hurt, you need time to heal. But you also need the right remedy to ease the pain. Self-pity is an adverse choice; it focuses on inadequacies that caused the failure without correcting them. It pretends to soothe but it never really heals, thus the wound remains sore. Problems persist and solutions continue to be non-existent.

New locus

When you keep the finish line in mind, you get swifter to reach it. If the start line keeps flashing before you, it’s hard to focus on the track. If you look back repeatedly to adjudge how distant you are from your failures, you seldom ever accomplish success. The new focus ought to be on solutions not glitches. Problems are indispensable; they pose questions that innovate novel answers. You are as helpless and pitiable as you pose yourself to be. When so, the world at best will throw the line at you: ‘Oh you poor thing!’ The globe cannot pity you without your consent. Neither can you yourself. Make the right choice to set things right for yourself...