Self-compassion or Self-pity? (1)

Emotions

Emotions are by far downright subjective constructs. Pain, pleasure, anger, sorrow, jealousy, nervousness, disdain; every emotion is felt after a personal appraisal of a given situation. For each one of us, there is only one ‘self’. The rest comprise the remainder of this magnanimous globe. Small as we truly seem in comparison to the gamut that surrounds us, we are the biggest and most important to ourselves. We are our own world, we control our own lives, and we ought to care for our selves, nurture ourselves, love ourselves and heal ourselves when we hurt. Self-compassion is the softest and tenderest of all emotions each one needs to inculcate.

Peace with the world

Adverse situations usually don't give forewarnings. People as well as the inanimate assailants (weather, floods, earthquakes etc.) injure peace within ones own mind. Intentional or not, any attack can wound, and calls for raising ones immunities, setting oneself on red alert and dealing with the aggressor using the appropriate defenses. Consider these assaulters:

• The boss who’s upset with your performance
• The spouse who has been acting odd off late
• Friends who are just ignoring you these days
• Sudden weight that deposited on your belly
• Recession that hit this world, as well as you
• The hot climate that has been draining you
• Health problems that seem to never settle  

All of these storm at once, leaving one stranded in the typhoon. There is hardly peace in the world around, and lesser so within one’s own mind. This is the time for defenses to come to play.

Defenses: Pity

Life’s troubles get out of hand easily. The façade of ‘I am fine’ doesn't hold up often. Even though you think you have marvelous tolerance, you break. And one fine day it seems like nothing can get better and the end is near. There are deadbolts everywhere with no keys to unlock that path to freedom. You think you are fighting; but you’re really fighting yourself instead of the trouble. You fail to accept the situation and don't believe you can cope with it. You bruise your own self in the process, you feel like a victim, look like a sufferer, talk like you’re a casualty and exhibit yourself as a martyr. You believe you are worthy of condolence. You loathe in self-pity.

Defenses: Compassion

Everyone needs defenses for self-protection. The appropriate ones lead to optimal solutions while erroneous ones focus on the problem and the emotional reactivity to it such that there’s no time for seeking answers to the arduous questions. Be tolerant, kind and compassionate to yourself. Understand the problem, brainstorm, and reappraise the situation. It’s not your fault that the battle happened in the first place. Worriers never win, warriors do. There’s always another route, an alternate path, a different strategy that may work. Don't be the victim, be the healer even if you are hurt.

Fight but don't kill yourself

If you’re on a trek up the Mt. Everest, (life’s troubles frequently seem harder than that to most of us) it is commendable. If you are a little tired, you can stop, rest, rehydrate, rejuvenate, and proceed ahead. Know your body’s strains and respond to them. If you choose to keep moving without revival, you are being harsh on yourself and can have a heat stroke (comparable to frequent emotional breakdowns of people who fail to respond to their own needs). Have some compassion for yourself; you deserve it.