Criticism
Beautiful as it seems, the moon too has its
blemishes. The world has it’s brighter and sullen side; good and bad frequently
co-exist. Love and admiration comes naturally to some while scorn and contempt
to others. Many accept and regard others unconditionally, while several are
callous with the emotions of another. In a world that that throws criticism
habitually, one needs to build personal defenses to cope with character
attacks. No-one is shielded from censure.
Where there is a tongue there is speech and
gossip. Combatting it is the challenge. Feebleness has become a defense for
self-conservation by those who don’t have courage in their conviction. It
preserves the self but sacrifices respect. Vulnerability protects one from a
hostile environment. There is transient suspension of rationality and
self-regard and in that time window, wolves attack and overpower the
barricades, allowing one to lose personal judgment and give in to the whims of
others because there simply isn't any other path to yield.
- I am humiliated, but he’s my best friend; I don’t want to lose him!
- I am overweight they will always ridicule me, I shouldn’t fight back
- I feel hurt with his behavior but he’s not going to change, he IS like that!
- This is how it is for me; people will not change how they think about me!
Helplessness is not genetically transmitted
trait. It isn't something one is consciously taught either.
Nonetheless learned helplessness is a self-prophesizing adverse phenomenon that
occurs on account of one or two initial failures; which then
get ingrained in the mind of the vulnerable individual and are
presumed to recur without change. Negative events, moments of ridicule and
embarrassment get internalized and one begins to expect them to happen repetitively.
They lower the self-esteem; allow one to ‘expect’ to be ridiculed and
invariably the embarrassment recurs. Thus weakness is ‘learned’ by
conditioning, although it was never ‘taught’ as protocol.
Counteracting with aggression
The gullible soul chooses to fight back on
occasion; like a simmering volcano that has disastrous impacts when it erupts.
It’s usually of no purpose and disrupts relationships, friendships and
interpersonal connects.
- If they keep mocking me, I will teach them a lesson
- If he behaves that way I will divorce him in no time
- I will have him beaten up if he messes with me again
- I won’t meet my friends at their whim and convenience
Be assertive: Put your best foot forward
Everything cannot go your way all of the
time; but part of it might, at least some of the time. You need to be vocal
about what you fee for that. Anger only bequeaths frustration. Realistic
expectations and sensible reactivity is more rewarding. It allows you to
believe in the best options and justify them to the rest of the world. Let them
know how you feel and why you do so. Have your voice heard. Your view may not
be accepted; however if you don’t speak up you lose that miniscule probability
too.
‘I’ statements
'I' statements can be used to voice one's feelings and wishes from a very
personal position without expressing a judgment about the other person or
blaming of your feelings on them. The focus is on expression of one’s
individual opinion on the issue.
- This is a good movie but ‘I’ feel like seeing the other one
- That restaurant is good but ‘I’ don’t like the food too much
- The outfit you’re wearing is pretty but ‘I’ feel it won’t suit me
When you use the ‘I’ statements you take
responsibility for the difference in opinion without afflicting the person with
judgmental remarks; while simultaneously you don’t end up being taken for
granted.
It’s not too hard
Assertive people feel free to express their
feelings, thoughts and their desires. They know their rights. Thus they also
know when these may be infringed upon. They have control over their anger. It doesn't mean that they repress all the negative feelings. They rather control
and talk about it in a reasoning manner. Once one views oneself as worthy of
acceptance, and respects one’s own opinion, chances are high that others will
do so too.
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