That negative thought: 2

Thoughts impact emotion. Emotions affect reasoning. Reasoning reflects in words. Words influence behavior. Behavior makes a person. Thoughts have deep rooted connects and intense bearings on the life of those who think them. Affirmative thoughts generate fruitful consequences; they are effortful but they lead one towards happiness. Knowing the defenses that engender pessimism is the first step towards self-recognition and betterment. We know our negative thought is composed of:

Nihilism

Emotional reasoning

Generalization

All or none thinking

Twisting (reality)

Idealization

Vindication

Expectation

Twisting (magnification minimization)

Falsification of reality doesn't transform it. There are mirrors that distort images and make you taller or stouter than you actually are; however your body still hasn't changed. The perception of it may influence your esteem (Oh I am slim and beautiful!) or worsen it (I have become stout and repulsive!) but you still are the same. Your perception decides your own reality.

• I fumbled at one point; I will fail the interview
• I slipped on the road; I am now a laughing stock
• I screamed at my child, I am the worst mother

Exaggerating positive experiences and negating the adverse ones is an ideal defense adopted by optimists. However it is ever so common to magnify one’s problems and minimize the pleasures to the extent that life seems unlivable. This negative defense disallows the view of the ‘brighter’ side of life and one begins to dwell in darkness.

Idealization

Nothing short of the best is acceptable to the idealist. Meticulousness is no sin, however self-beating and torture to attain that level of perfectionism certainly is. Over-idealization is destructive. When positives in the self as well as the environment are overlooked, unhealthy perfectionist traits step in. One begins to fear failure and all attempts are now directed to the avoidance of defeat; not truly the target to success.

• I stood second; it is as good as being a failure
• I got a raise but not the promotion; that’s no good
• If I don’t win there’s no point in playing the game

Life cannot allow you to speed at every roundabout. There will be a decrease in velocity and one has to take a mindful turn to prevent accidents. It’s not going to be perfect but it is still OK. You have to accept that gracefully. There is beauty in the flaw too. You just need to see it.

Vindication

There is no need to justify everything to this world; all proceedings, everyone’s actions, the environment’s intents as well as personal objectives. In the superfluous vindication process, there is absurd rationalization and undue correction of beliefs leading to a forged realism. Irrational and imagined presumptions stem in to damage the sensible information processing.

• I couldn't manage it because I am incapable
• He didn't show up because I am not worth it
• It didn't work out because I am incompetent

Every failure doesn't need justification. The objective is improvement, not punishment. Upgrading oneself is easier if the whipping is curbed. It unnecessarily dampens spirits and diminishes power. Emphasis should be on solutions, not problems.

Expectations (should)

Using “should”, “ought”, or “must” proclamations can set up impracticable expectations of yourself and others.  Those who use these usually function on rigid and inflexible guidelines. Expectation is something that is likely to happen; a belief that may or may not be representative of reality. Anticipations are unquestionably centered on the future; something that not even genius can predict. Mandating that things must happen in a specific pattern is a recipe for disappointment from the self as well as the environment.

• She shouldn't speak to me like that; she’s horrible
• I must pass this interview; else I am a total failure
• They should respect me; if not they’re not friends

Expectations influence perceptions and vice versa. However perceptions need to be appraised and reappraised before they become beliefs; that subsequently influence actions. There ‘should’ be no ‘shoulds’; that’s the only instance a ‘should’ is permitted…