The family
Midst near and dear ones (particularly family), emotional
expressivity is painless. The silly
jokes, senseless laughter, baseless banter and nonsensical outbursts; all seem permissible.
We can laugh, cry, vent, scream, shout, demand, summon and share; effortlessly.
There is seldom room for judgment and discrimination. You can be “yourself”,
with strengths and shortcomings put together. The bonds of blood allow what may
seem deplorable elsewhere…
And then there are those characters, who rejoice as well as
ridicule, share their darkest secrets and at the same time proudly illustrate
virtues, act utterly insane on occasion while elucidate profound judgment on
others; those who are pillars of support and act like swords at times. These
are friends; who hold no verdicts. There are seldom rules laid down in
friendships, care and concern offered is usually unconditional. Expectations
held as well as fulfilled; people with whom altercation seems impossible.
Clash of the titans
Man is a social animal; and the billions of neurons in every
human brain think differently. Friends,
family and even foes; all have their respective mindsets. If everyone chooses
to be their true self; clashes of opinions, ideas and interests is predictable.
Egos are delicate abstracts; they get disturbed easily. And once they bleed,
the consequences are usually disastrous.
Taking for granted
Friends and family frequently forego formalities. It is
alleged that “sorrys” and “thank yous” are non existent amongst loved ones.
However pain and hurt don’t see family ties and friendships. Paradoxically (and
rightly so too), the pain inflicted on near and dear ones pinches even more.
When skin is breached, bleeding is expected; irrespective of who made the cut.
As Shakespeare put it, the laceration inflicted by a friend is the most
unkindest cut of all.
The pain inflicted
Words of ridicule can penetrate deep. Unintentional and
inadvertent as it may have been, humiliation sources annoyance. Accidents facilitate
damage, even though no one can be pinpointed to blame. Human beings take
offense subject to their personality make-ups; paving way for misunderstandings
that sow the seeds of contempt. No one wants to be taken for granted; none
desire pain, especially that from those who care.
Non-apology apology
Some statements have the form of an apology but
don’t express the expected remorse. It most commonly entails the person
saying that he or she is sorry not for their behavior, statement or
misdemeanor, but rather is sorry only because a person who has been aggrieved
is expecting the apology or expressing a grievance. For instance:
- I apologize that I hurt your lack of awareness
- I'm sorry that you feel that way about what I said
- I’m sorry that you don’t understand something so simple
True apology
When you have sinned, you need to confess. Forgiveness may
or may not be granted, but what is within your power ought to be accomplished.
The brave are truly kindhearted; cowards run from actuality. If left untouched,
the misconstructions in important relations get fortified and connects get
rusted. A true apology ought to take full accountability for what went wrong
and the friendship must be placed above all: ego, self esteem as well as
mind-set. It may seem strenuous, awkward
and challenging to even realize the need to apologize; leave alone the process
of the repentance.
Keep it simple and straight
Apologizing is not rocket science. There is no evidence base for the best and
most customary apology. An uncomplicated
“I’m sorry” is overwhelming to the one who has been hurt. The message telepaths
in the mind and the cascade of pain collapses. Some evidence states that apology
in some way strengthens bonds; indicating that altercations with acceptance of
wrongdoings makes relationships healthy. It enhances interpersonal respect and commitment.
Apology doesn't make one smaller; it enhances the emotional quotient and makes
one rise higher and grow in the persona, hoisting towards self-actualization…
With contribution by Ms.Nikita Vyas
Psychology Intern at MINDFRAMES
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