Good old temper tantrums

Which kid doesn't throw tantrums?

That's a fact: all kids have tantrums. Why kids: all adults throw tantrums once in a while and this is considered normal. We all have seen kids getting upset and crying and probably we ourselves would prefer to screech every once in a while when life is treating us iniquitously. We cannot indeed have a world without tantrums and frenzies. We need to understand these tantrums better so we can take care of tantrummy children effectively…
What is a tantrum?

A tantrum is an outburst; usually an attempt to express emotional discomfort with an idea or task that may have been allotted. It may a method to get attention when it is otherwise missing. A tantrum may be associated with screaming, yelling, crying, banging oneself on the floor or violent body movements (depending on the level of stubbornness and rigidity in the child). It may last a few minutes, sometime even hours. Sometimes even when the demand is fulfilled the temper tantrum continues.

Why a tantrum?

Children usually have a pattern and rhythm for expressing tantrums. All children are self-focused (this is normal narcissism). When they needed to be fed, cleaned and comforted while they were infants; you gave into every demand right away; likewise in their developmental process they get attuned to that 100% attention at all times and wish that their desires be fulfilled. When this requirement is breached, they choose to express their discomfort in some or the other manner. Children were not born with tantrumming ability. They learned it along the way. A tantrum gets them attention. Their purpose gets mitigated. They realize that tantrums are a good means to fulfillment of demands. And the behavior continues over and over again in a structured repetitive pattern.

The pattern

Tantrums have a life cycle of development. Your child was not born with them. Here’s how tantrums are generated and the pattern follows, how they are ‘fed’ and how they thrive; and eventually continue to become the second nature of your child.

The child wants a toy

            You don't give it to him

                        He gets upset and demands

                                    You refuse to give it to him

                                                He screams and screeches

                                                            You get so frustrated

                                                                        You decide to give in

                                                                                    He knows bawling helps

                                                                                                He bawls again and again

                                                                                                            Tantrums are born

Incidence

Tantrums are generated by a pattern of faulty behavior reinforcement. And today they are getting more common than ever before. Today 9 out of 10 children have trouble with tantrums. Throwing tantrums is easy all you have to do is squeal at a great frequency so that the threshold of the parent is crossed and your demand is given into (presuming that's the pattern that the parents are continuing to follow). All of us have limited thresholds and after a hard days work and 100 commitments it becomes difficult to endure the trouble that kids give you; so you tend to give in. But this behavior on your part is adding fuel to the fire of tantrums, which is thriving.

Classic picture of a tantrum?

Crying

Sulking

Screaming

Threatening

Head banging

Flinging things

Choking pretense

Violent movements

The typicality of this is that it is out of control. By definition it stretches past your tolerance threshold, drives you to drastic consequences and you give in.

Parent bad behavior checklist

• Are you responding by giving into the demands?
• Are you screaming back at him in the tantrum?
• Are you appearing very exasperated and tense?
• Are you and your spouse discussing this openly?
• Is it evident that this tantrum is the ‘hot topic’?

Parent good behavior checklist

• Are you making eye contact with your child?
• Are you nonchalant and not affected at all?
• Do you keep cool and ignore the behavior?
• Do you resist giving in; do you stand strong?
• Do you keep your temperament under control?
• Are you and your spouse on common ground?

Expectations

Tantrums can get corrected within days or weeks if you change your responses appropriately to them and follow suitable modification paradigms. Treatment is promising but it takes time and commitment from you. As a parent it’s important to accept this and strive hard to inspire behavior change. It's the best gift you can give your little one.