Change is an inevitable constant. Every
passing moment, that transforms into minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years
and decades; only highlights the veracity of change. Colors are bound to fade
with repeated wash; one needs relationship protectants as much as fabrics need
softeners! Relationships get worn out if not cared for. Perceptions about the
loved object ought to be appraised and reappraised at frequent intervals to
stay ‘in love’. An inward reduction of the partner’s worth (even unconsciously)
allows the mind to form negative percepts.
These become deep rooted memories and surface in the most unexpected
settings only to affirm that one is really ‘not in love’ anymore.
‘Push it under the carpet’ syndrome
The ostrich approach is not a feasible answer
to complex questions. Shying from problems doesn't make them vanish. It’s imperative
to iron out the kinks in relationships when they arise; else they accumulate to
unsurpassable volumes; never to be evened again. The inability to discuss hitches
and glitches works negatively for couples. They avoid expressing negative
emotion but subconsciously resent their partners. The bitterness builds over
time until one day the carpet is lifted and the rubbish is exposed. The stench
becomes unbearable. If only one could appreciate the need to communicate well
in time and not let the cement harden to unmoldable proportions…
Changing personalities
The 30-70 rule emphasizes that human beings
have a 30% chance of changing 30% of their traits (to match their partners’) after
commitment to a relationship. In effect they change very little ‘for’ their
partners. If this wasn't harsh enough, they change with age and experience as
individuals. Their likes, predilections, choices in food, clothing, lifestyle;
often even occupational preferences transform. The makeovers become hard to
accept. Rightly so, it takes years to accept traits of another in the first
place; and when it happens, the traits change. Time makes you who you really
are. Age seasons everyone and augments mature thought processes. One just needs
to accept that change gracefully.
Boredom
Inertia can seep into the most exciting of
affairs. A persistent vacation in life may also end up seeming dreary. The
human mind needs excitement and change. One may be bored with the same furniture,
food, clothes, home, job, gym, friends; leave alone the same partner in your
bed every night! Zest and spice can be added to the same dish to make it more fascinating.
Couples seldom comprehend the need to add that flavor to a mundane existence;
yet they ever so often banter over the lack of spirit in their relationships.
They get fixated on the very quality that their spouses lack; failing to seek the
innumerable ways they could indeed connect.
Nothing lasts forever
Things don’t have to last forever; and one needn't agonize oneself for loss of emotion for a previously loved partner. Commitments
are made intellectually, however their fulfillment has emotional overtones. If
one permits oneself, the head and heart can work in unanimity to make rational choices
and allow oneself the fortitude to see them through…
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